Hey Natasha,
Have a question for you. Situation is new to me so I wasn’t sure who to ask.
I have been seeing this woman for a while and things are great. When we first started sleeping together she told me she squirted. I was kind of excited by this because it was new to me, now I’ve been questioning it a little because it seems too easy.
What I mean by this is that at first it was quite exciting because men often don’t get to see such physical evidence of their effort to pleasure their partner. We were getting to know each other physically and it was kind of a rush, no pun intended.
Now though, it almost feels too easy. She will squirt 7-10 times and while I hope it’s because if something I’m doing I can’t help wonder if it’s just natural for her and I’m not really doing anything. I feel like I should have to be working harder for this if that makes sense. At this point I’m using other cues to judge pleasure because the squirting happens so easily.

So here is the question, what exactly is squirting? Is it like cumming? Is it easier for a woman? Should it be this easy or am I just overthinking this whole thing and should just enjoy the experience?

Dear B,

Hey! I’m so glad you asked me! These are great questions and ones that I’m sure many guys have. It’s also interesting for me to answer because I rarely hear the male perspective of this scenario.

First of all squirting is ejaculation but it is not an orgasm. It can accompany an orgasm but just because a woman squirts does not necessarily mean she orgasmed. This is true for men as well in that “cumming” is not the same as orgasming. Many men ejaculate at the same time as they orgasm ,but with practice can learn to delay the ejaculation while allowing the orgasm. This means that a man can keep his erection and continue having penetrative sex.

Some women squirt very easily and love it. Some women don’t or haven’t squirted. Some women who squirt don’t experience any pleasure from it. Some have learned that guys like to see them squirt so they do it almost on cue. This doesn’t mean that they don’t enjoy it but it can mean that at times it may be more of a performance or distraction from the fact that she isn’t orgasming. Squirting is a release that does not (and should not) require bearing down or pushing, but rather letting go.

For both men and women sex can become more of a performance than an actual experience when we are more worried about the other person’s feelings or perceptions than we are about our own pleasure.

I can’t tell you what this woman is experiencing but you seem to be a guy who wants to know both that his partner is experiencing pleasure, and that you are doing what you can to support her in that. These are both great things! I think what’s necessary here is a conversation between the two of you about what each of you like and what squirting is like for her. You may also feel that you’d like the opportunity to practice pleasuring her in other ways and this conversation would be a great time to express that desire. Just like a woman can get stuck in the habit of quickly having a clitoral orgasm**, she can also get in the pattern of quickly squirting. Part of practicing being a good lover is learning variety in giving and receiving pleasure.

I really encourage you to talk to her — gently and absolutely non accusatory. Having an open dialogue about sex is healthy and it means that the possibility of so much MORE is there! 

I hope this helps. Please keep me posted! 


** Normally I prefer to not categorize different types of orgasms because I believe that they all come from the clitoris – either directly or indirectly. Squirting happens from stimulation of the g-spot which is not a spot at all really but rather the back end of the clitoris, which can be accessed inside a woman’s vagina. For the purpose of simplifying my answer I categorized  clitoral orgasm. 


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