Dear Natasha,

When I masturbate I have a hard time being able to forget that it’s my own hand and not someone else’s. I can orgasm but I want it to feel like it’s someone else doing it so I can enjoy it more. Knowing it’s mine makes me feel bad. How can I make it feel like someone else?


Dear J,

Thank you for your question although I have to admit that I felt sad reading it. While I completely understand wanting to be touched by someone else, I’m curious about why you feel bad knowing that it’s your own? What about someone else’s touch would make you enjoy it more? Because I don’t know more about you and your feelings, I can only answer you based on assumptions and experiences I hear from other women.

Touch is a physical act but it comes from a place of intention within ourselves. I like to think of our hand as simply a vehicle carrying and delivering this intention. Through touch we can deliver powerful messages ranging from love, appreciation and acceptance – to boredom, expectation and even hate.

I’d like you to ask yourself what your intention is when you touch someone else? What do you think they’d feel from you? What changes your intention when you direct it towards yourself? Rather than trying to make your own touch feel like someone else’s I recommend changing the intention with which you touch yourself to one that is loving, present and curious. If this feels too difficult to do then pretend you’re touching someone you love and hopefully after time you will begin to feel that for yourself.

You are guaranteed only one relationship your entire life and that’s with you. It can be the greatest of all love affairs, something to count on and a safe harbour, or something to tie you over when there’s nothing better. It’s up to you to decide.

Much love to you J,



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