Bodysex Gives Me The Freedom To Be Me

** Photos by Studio Stiina

I came into last weekends Bodysex retreat in a super vulnerable state. The past 10 months of my life have been extremely difficult — supporting my son through a loss and learning to navigate parenting my children without another co-parent. The night before the retreat I woke up suddenly — feeling afraid and exposed — worried that my children could somehow get hurt by my work. A memory came flooding in from this summer when I was called a whore — because of the work I do —  and I wondered if my continued exposure would just give him more reason to do so. I can laugh it off most of the time but sometimes, when I’m feeling especially vulnerable, it scares me. My work requires an openness that I welcome and yet sometimes, when I’m not feeling safe, it can also make me feel too exposed.

After Justine and I set up the circle in preparation for the women to arrive, I laid down naked in it and masturbated while she talked to me. Touching my body grounds me — like I’m entering into the safest, most comforting home —  and doing so while seeing and hearing my loving sister and friend — was exactly what I needed. After orgasming a couple of times, I heard the first of the women arrive and went to greet them feeling relaxed and affirmed that this is exactly what I’m supposed to be doing. 

From the moment of the first naked hugs to our goodbyes on the last day, the workshop flowed with the most exceptional ease. So much so that even while holding space for the other women, I felt like I was on a retreat! Never have I felt so comfortable being so naked, so open with my heart, my legs and the full expression of who I am. “This is SO much bigger than the 8 of us in this circle” said one of the women, holding her arms up in the air. Looking around the circle at the other women embodying their stories of joy, sorrow, pleasure and pain, it was easy to see she was right. 

The 8 of us spent almost the entire weekend, in and out of workshop time, as one solid group flowing between sharing through our words and sharing through our bodies.  No part of it felt forced or held back — it all just seemed so perfectly normal.

Through conversations in the nude about life, love, longings, loss, dirty fantasies, amazing sex, forbidden sex, bodily functions, needs, desires and never convincing anyone of our worth again— we laughed and we cried accepting each other as we are. 

I always enter Bodysex weekends with the intention of removing armour that still delicately covers inner layers of my shame. I came away from this weekend though, feeling fully embodied in who I am right now — without feeling such a need to do something about it to make it different or better. Body sex gives me permission to boldly be who I am and helps me be less afraid when that doesn’t fit into societies standards for me. I was reminded in the eyes of each of the women that it’s okay that I feel better open than closed, that my path to self awareness, ecstasy, and self confidence begins at the soft spot right between my legs and that there is nothing wrong at all with thoroughly and ecstatically enjoying sex and pleasure with myself. Body sex gives me the freedom to be me. If that makes me a whore, I’ll take it. 

Thank you to my dear sisters for meeting me so fully in the circle and reminding me that I’m okay being me. 

I love you Turtle, Singh, Wizard, Ruby, Iridescent, Niko, Belle and Kitty <3 

Roots Of Intimacy: Exploring your sexual history

I’m very excited to offer something new that I’ve designed for people interested in exploring their sexual history to gain insight into who they are today, and why. This workshop series is based on the understanding that our sexuality involves much more than what we do with our genitals. It begins developing the moment we are born through our body image, sexual development/history, as well as experiences with intimacy/attachment and pleasure.

In order to have the sexual and intimate life you desire, it can be helpful to recognize how your past has shaped and influenced the choices you currently make.

Regardless of gender, sexual orientation or sexual history -whether you’ve had sex with hundreds of people or none, are in a relationship or not – this workshop is relevant for everyone. Click on the link for more details or pm me to register. A big piece of my passion and my heart is in this workshop series and I look forward to sharing with you.  https://natashasalaash.com/roots-of-intimacy/

Intimacy In Sensuality Workshop

Someone asked what they can hope to get from my upcoming “Intimacy In Sensuality” workshop and I thought it might be helpful to share my own experience in an effort to explain.

Achieving orgasm used to be my primary goal in sexual experiences. I love the release and how amazing it feels and, having spent years in my past not orgasming with a partner, achieving that equality was extremely important to me. Once I became orgasmic however, my focus became less on orgasm and more on pleasure. I started to pay attention to the subtle feelings in my body, and noticed that I felt more pleasure when my partner was touching my body without goal of achieving anything. Touching just to feel, explore and listen for cues as to what feels good for me and for his hands.

My vulva – not feeling any pressure to respond – awakens, swells, opens and becomes wet under his touch. Like a ripe, juicy, peach I become so turned on that by the time he penetrates me, my eventual orgasm is out of this world. He also notices that the pleasure he feels in touching me is greatest when he isn’t “trying” but instead “feeling” and “listening” to what my body responds to.

When the roles are switched and I’m touching him without goal, it doesn’t matter if he has an erection or not. I close my eyes and feel him with the tips of my fingers, inside edges in between them, palms of my hand, backs of my hand, lips, tongue and entire face. The pleasure on my skin compounds as I feel the pleasure in him build and I listen to his body for clues of where to move next. In this place of no demands we feel everything in such fine detail that the most subtle movements offer the deepest pleasure. This kind of intimacy requires nothing but time, presence and open vulnerability.

If you and your partner desire this kind of intimacy, this workshop offers you a safe and sensual space to begin. https://natashasalaash.com/intimacy-in-sensuality/

Intimacy In Sensuality

Workshops

Workshop For Couples
November 23rd 6pm – 10pm
2917 B Early Drive, Saskatoon
$250/couple due on registration

*max. 10 couples (welcome to all genders and sexual orientations)

Intimacy begins in your inner world, between your legs, in those sensitive nipples, in your bedroom…experimenting, exploring what is sexually exciting and pleasingly satisfying to you.– Julie McIntyre

Intimacy In Sensuality is a partnered exploration devoted to understanding and expressing sensual love to the most sacred part of each others body – your genitals. This non orgasm focused exploration will involve seeing, touching and curiously feeling both externally and internally as each person is  comfortable.

This is a group workshop guided by me, however each couple will explore privately together in the same safe space. The 4 hour workshop will include:

  • Group Introduction, guidelines and confidentiality agreements.
  • Explanations and demonstration
    * possible nudity
  • You and your partner will enter your private “cocoon” where you will remain for all of the explorations. (Mosquito nets will be hung from the ceiling around the room — one for each couple. Inside will be an intimate and comfy nest made up of a salt lamp as well as pillows and blankets that you’ve brought from home where you’ll explore each other) While silhouettes of your bodies will be visible from outside the “cocoon,” details of your bodies and what you’re doing, won’t be. We will have awareness of others in the room, however each person will be focused on what is happening with their partner and not with others.
  • Partnered genital show and tell. This is a powerful and often emotional ceremony where one at a time you will show each other your genitals and identify all the parts based on a diagram that will be given to you. You will also share feelings of shame that you may have about this sacred part of your body, and your partner will have the opportunity to express love and appreciation for your genitals and the vulnerability it took for you to be seen in this way. I will be there for support and guidance outside of your cocoon, or inside if you wish to invite me in.
  • One of you will begin as the giver and one as the receiver. The giver will begin by gently touching and then exploring the receivers body externally and possibly internally — with emphasis on genitals. This exploration will involve curiosity and touch without stimulation or goal of orgasm. Touching to feel, to learn and to express adoration. Hand outs will be provided to help the giver ask to learn and understand what the receiver enjoys and to help the receiver respond honestly as well. Emphasis will be placed on everyone being positive and supportive. Props will also be available to use for internal and external exploration: zucchinis, fruit, chocolate etc. (more details in demo)
  • Break for snack between exchange of giving a receiving
  • Partners switch roles and continue exploration
  • Closing circle/comments. Final affirmation of confidentiality agreement.

*** This workshop is focused on exploration and adoration without the specific goal of orgasm. While orgasm is an involuntary response, you will be expected to tell your partner if you are close to orgasm so that they can change their touch to prevent it from happening. Eliminating orgasm from the exploration will allow everyone to be more present and lessen expectation. You will be free to orgasm as much as you want when you go home!

*** Demos of exercises may or may not include nudity. The purpose of the nudity would be to provide clear understanding of exercises and model emotional support and safety.

Contact me with questions or to register at: natashawiig@hotmail.com or 306-241-2408

Testimonials

“I’m a 20+ year veteran of marriage, and I thought I knew everything about my wife. In an effort to continue to grow our relationship (and after 20 years, you have to seek out ways to do that) we attended the Partner Intimacy workshop this summer, and, it was more surprising that we expected.

Guys (ya, you guys… husbands/boyfriends) I can’t stress enough how valuable this type of thing is. Slowing down, taking time to communicate, and learn, you will come away with a deeper understanding of your partner, and your partner of you. It’s about observing how you feel when touched and talking about your reactions, and rediscovering what feels good to you, and to her. We giggled a bit, we could distantly hear positive sounds of the other couples around us exploring just like we were, and it was arousing, and it was fun.

Natasha put us all at ease and was a fantastic facilitator and guide. You bring your own blankets and pillows and so you have things around you that are familiar. Once you are in your own netted cocoon tunnel vision sets in to some extent and you can forget about the rest of the world outside of you and your partner if you want. You can also see silhouettes and enjoy the sense of community if you’re open to that, but you will never have to worry about your privacy if you need it. If you feel like you can’t, I assure you, you definitely can. The rewards are worth taking a chance, and you can overcome that feeling of hesitancy you have right now. You will thank one another after if you go for it.”

 


 

“It was great to just play because you don’t have to try to do it “right.”

 


 

“So much of the experience took me back to being 17 again which was so nice. Laughing together again was one of my favourite parts.”

 


 

” My husband just said “so same time next week” lol. that’s a good sign.”

 


 

“I had so much fun exploring his body freely with no expectation. Him allowing me to do so, and actually requesting we try certain things just to see how it felt to him, was very liberating and encouraging.”

 


 

“as someone who rarely ever voices his needs, if ever, I realized how unsure I was of exactly what felt best to him, and am grateful to have some new tricks in my bag that he truly finds pleasurable.”

 


 
 
“Every penis should feel loved like this”
 

Letting Go Of Shame Is The Best Release Ever

Three weeks ago I facilitated my 14th Bodysex retreat — the third one in Quebec with Marika. Each retreat I’ve led this past year, I’ve noticed my level of comfortableness and confidence increasing. I’m less concerned about doing it “right” and more able to be present with and for the women. Being more present means not only hearing the women’s stories, but feeling them in my body— even when they’re speaking a language I don’t understand. Feeling others in this way connects me to them on a level that can be limited by language, and reminds me of the beautiful moments in sexual intimacy that involve only eyes, hands and mouths. 

As I opened the circle I shared my journey into Bodysex and how it began 20 years ago when I witnessed girls I loved being circumcised in Kenya. One of the women pointed out that in Kenya a woman’s power is removed physically through the cutting of her clitoris, and here it is removed mentally by not talking about or acknowledging her sexual genitalia and right to pleasure. When we don’t talk about something, it’s as if it didn’t exist in the first place. I believe that a way to honour the women who’s pleasure has been taken from them, is for the rest of us to exercise our right.  The right to look at our vulvas, touch them, understand them and pleasure them.

And we did!!! The weekend was a beautiful display of vulnerability in the sharing of our stories, our bodies and our pleasure. Never has a workshop gone on for so many hours each day and yet it still felt as if there wasn’t enough time for all we wanted to share and do. 

What struck me most though, was how many layers of shame I still carry. I’m comfortable in my body now and I don’t find it difficult to be naked, show my vulva or masturbate with other women. Yet without fail it seems, an old story of mine comes up, and the thought of sharing it makes me feel sick to my stomach. This physical response is a good indicator to me of what holding it in is doing to my body, and I know that the answer is in sharing it. Knowing this doesn’t make it easy to do, and I battled in my head wondering how they’d feel about me once they knew it. Reminding myself that I can’t ask anyone else to show up and be vulnerable if I’m not willing to do it myself, I shared my story. 

Letting go of shame is the best release ever and almost immediately the space it was occupying inside of me, felt free — free for more pleasure, more authentic relationships and more me. 

As we spent time sharing pleasure during the second day, I kept my eyes open and focused them on a spot on the ceiling to keep me present. As my pleasure built I heard giggling from a woman in her 60’s, only a hands width distance beside me, and looked over to see the flush rise up her neck as she orgasmed. Giggling more she continued on — 2, 3, 4 — more times and I thought how beautiful she looked and how lucky her lover is to see her in this way. What an honour. Looking back at my spot on the ceiling the wood began to blur, and my pleasure kept building. The ceiling became the sky and I alternated my breath from high in my chest to low in my belly so that I could stay in that place of ecstasy.  At the point of no return I opened my left hand into the air to receive energy from the women around me and felt their love, acceptance, pain, joy, shame and pleasure along with my orgasm — like stars falling down upon me. 

This circle and the vulnerability of all the women in it, reminded me that we do this hard, brave work not only for ourselves, but for women who can’t or couldn’t. It’s not easy, but it’s an honour and a right and at times like these I know that the affect of our opening extends far beyond the walls of the workshop space. 

To every woman who has had her pleasure removed physically or mentally we do this for us and we do this for you. <3

To my sisters in pleasure:

Zaia, Ananda, Esmeralda, Sao, Red velvet, Mia, Rosie, Mariposa, Xochitl, J’Ouvre, Hot, Kali