Dear Natasha,
I’ve heard other women talk about having multiple orgasms but I’ve never gotten one. Sometimes after I have an orgasm I feel like I’m not finished and I want more but my clit is too sensitive to touch. How can I learn to have multiple orgasms?

Dear B.,
Great question! One of the best things about being a woman is that we are all capable of having multiple orgasms. Sometimes women mistake the after shocks of a single orgasm as being multiple orgasms. Having multiple or “serial” orgasms mean that you have more than one orgasm in a session and that each new orgasm has its own build up. The build up can be quick and take just a few minutes, or it can take up to an hour. Because your clit is still at least partially full of blood, from the previous build up, it often takes less time to achieve a second or third orgasm and the subsequent orgasms are often bigger and better.

I used to think that I could only get one orgasm at a time, and even if the one I got was huge, I wondered what was wrong with me that I couldn’t just keep going. It turns out that our mind is the biggest inhibiter of achieving things sexually, so if you think that you can’t do it – you won’t be able to. Since I always love a good challenge, I decided to practice and masturbating is the best way to practice any orgasm skills. You are alone, you can set the pace, and there is no one to judge you – except yourself! Ha ha. I started by setting a timer for an hour because, when you have it in your head that it is never going to happen, it can feel like it’s taking forever. Setting a timer eliminates the pull to check the clock which, in turn, helps you to stay focused on the physical sensations in your body and stay out of your head. After the first orgasm just keep going and sooner or later you will find that you are on the edge of another and so on.

To cope with the feeling of my clit being too sensitive to touch, I learned to use my breath. If you have given birth you might be familiar with breathing techniques to cope with pain during labour. Breath can also be used to help with the extreme sensitivity in your clit after orgasm. Try practicing different breathing techniques – breathe faster, deeper, longer, inhaling all the way in and exhaling all the way out – while also softly touching the area surrounding your clit. You will quickly discover what kind of breath helps with the sensitivity and you will be amazed how fast you are able to get back into another sexual buildup. It’s our instinct to hold our breath and pull back but doing so is counter intuitive. Breath is the life blood of your orgasm. Always remember that. Once you master this technique you will be able to match your breathing to any strong sensation you feel – like staying on the edge of an orgasm to make the build up and release greater.

As soon as you’ve had a multiple orgasm once it’s like your brain is rewired and you’ll be able to do it again and again and again. Changing our sexual patterns takes commitment – just like changing any pattern does, but it’s well worth the effort. This could be like a whole new world for you!

If you are with a partner that hasn’t achieved this skill (both men and women are capable of having multiple orgasms) don’t feel like you need to stop just because they’re done. You might find it best to get one or two in before they orgasm, or you just keep getting yourself off after they fall asleep beside you. Your primary relationship – sexual or not – is with yourself so give it all you got!

Lastly if you do learn to have multiple orgasms but don’t feel like it all the time – or ever – that’s okay too. Some people get caught up on “giving” their partners as many orgasms as possible and won’t rest until this is achieved. This pressure leads many women to feel the need to fake orgasms in order to please their partner. Don’t fall into that trap. An orgasm is an orgasm, is an orgasm. Just do what feels best for you.


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