As a 36 year old mother of 5, I haven’t always been in a place where I embraced pleasure. For years I felt shame in my body and enjoyed sex but thought it was more for the other than it was for me. No one had ever told me that sex could be just as much about me and my pleasure as it was about my partner’s. Even though it felt good, I was ashamed of that and held back parts of myself so as to not go too far with it. I didn’t think that I deserved it. Three years ago however, something really started to change for me. My body woke up and I began to feel alive. I paid more attention to my physical self, was more aware of the food I ate, and sought out ways to build my strength. My sexual desires became a prominent part of my everyday life. Desires from the root of myself. I paid attention to these desires, but didn’t really know what to do with them. So, I decided to look inward. I started by taking an honest look at myself, my beliefs and values around sex, intimacy, desire, shame, pleasure and my body. Where did these beliefs and ideas come from and why did they hold me? Why did I still hold them? What purpose did they serve? What was true for me and why was it true for me? Was there another way of seeing things? What beliefs and behaviours would support me being a fully alive, sexually empowered human being? I found the answers in my childhood, my sexual history, by examining our culture and its encouragement of women to look sexual but be virginal, and in my deepest desire for authenticity and wholeness. I had been through no sexual trauma and yet there I was afraid to show this side of myself for fear that it would be too much. Where were the positive, sexually empowered, female role models in our society? Who could I look to for support? Well, it turned out that they were out there. I read many books and felt comfort in the words of women (and a few men) who had felt these same feelings as I was.
“It is my strong belief that people need to travel deep within themselves to find the place where their sexuality lies.”
– Marty Klien
I also began to get acquainted with my body through touch. I had been an attachment parenting leader for several years and had encouraged parents to lovingly touch their children. I knew the benefits of touch and how it enhances the growth of a person on all levels. On reflection, I realized that I had never touched myself in that way. I didn’t even know my own body. I knew about release and orgasm, but when had I ever touched myself like I would touch a lover? So, I began to do just that. I touched myself and I learnt that:
“There isn’t any body part that can’t be erotically charged. As you read this, somebody somewhere is making love with his or her elbow, knee, foot, hair, breath. There are no sexual parts of the body, there’s just one body. There’s erotic energy. The first experiences and expresses the second. If there is an exception to this, it’s the clitoris – the only organ in the human body with absolutely no purpose other than pleasure.” – Marty Klien
With this touch, I got to know my body. I discovered where I held shame and where I held pleasure. I felt my stories pass through my fingertips as I became acquainted with myself on a level that hadn’t existed before. It was authentic and true and there was absolutely no barrier between my body and my touch. As Julie McIntyre explains in her book Sex and the Intelligence of the Heart
“Intimacy comes from the Latin word intimus meaning “innermost.” To be intimate with another, we first must become intimate with ourselves.”
I was discovering this intimacy with each stroke on my skin. As I travelled the distance of my body with my hands, I explored new ways to pleasure myself. My sexual awakening began with myself and I fell in love. In love with the body that carried 4 of my 5 babies. In love with the young girl that I once was and the woman that I longed to become. In love with the scars, the stretch marks, the muscle and the lines that held my stories. Acceptance of this body came later as I discovered bodysex and attented my first workshop, but love of myself came from my own touch.
It is with this in mind, that I have designed a workshop called “The Art Of Self Loving.” Through this practice of getting to know my body and how it responds to pleasure, as well as from the teachings of sex educator’s Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross, (//dodsonandross.com) I designed this. It is my great hope that all the women in the world learn to love themselves with the passion and desire that they love or hope to love another. With this, we can embrace pleasure, enhance our orgasmic potential and bring aliveness into all parts of our life. Stay tuned for workshop details over the next couple of days.
love and orgasm,
Natasha
I have tears in my eyes. You are so powerful, beautiful, honest!! Thank you for sharing this with us!
Thank you Tara! It is healing for me to share…XXOO
Beautifully written Natasha, thanks for sharing a part of yourself and your views ,that takes a lot of confidence !
Educate others lady!! I was fortunate to live in France for 10yrs and lost a lot of shame and or shyness of my body . Families, people there are more in touch with thier bodies sexually, and sensually. I have also continuously grown sexually since….coming out, and I think it is a continual thing changing as we age , but really we are all sexual beings with the same needs and desires and I think we are all bi sexual on a deeper level, it’s all about who you decide to love ,starting with yourself ! I think it’s fantastic that you are empowering others! Bravo 🙂
Thanks Meshel!! That’s wonderful that you experienced positive attitudes towards sexuality in France! I have learnt that no matter our story, we all have body and sexual shame to deal with at some point. It really does start with ourself. Hugs to you!
What great words. I loved reading:
“It is my great hope that all the
women in the world learn to love themselves with the passion and desire that they love or hope to love another”.
My body has seen many changes in the last ten years. I’ve had a hard time embracing these changes and your message has reminded me that I need to love my body first,.not anyone else. I’ve started away from friends bc of the changes my body hast gone through…it really has controlled my life. I will keep reading your message and reminding myself that the love has to flow through me first.
Thank you for your words.
Rebecca thank you so much for taking the time to read this post and for your comment. I’m so glad that my words have reminded you that love has to flow through you first. I need to remind myself at times too and it always amazes me how healing the loving touch of my fingertips can be.
<3 and sisterhood,
Natasha
Natasha, you are truly inspiring and amazing. You are going to empower women and help them along their journeys with a love and candidacy that is hard to find these days. I’m proud to know you and eager to read all you choose to share.
Awe thanks so much Rita!!! I get much of my inspiration from the amazing women around me – like you!
Thank you so much for this Natasha! Such honesty, so well articulated. Bikes you.
Betsy
Thanks Betsy!! Circle sister….
Natasha
Ive been following Betty Dodson on FB for awhile. That is how I saw your blog post and the title just called out to me!! I am a busy 35 year old mother of one son , and became a nurse 3 years ago, working with the elderly, dementia and hospice, I also have a degree in psychology. I was very interested in Attatchment Parenting, La Leache League, Midwifery and showing LOTS of physical affection to my son!!, My story is VERY similar to yours, there has been this SLOW awakening with me and sexuality… I crave it, crave to know more………(Trying to keep this short and appropriate) … I learned NOTHING from my mother and over time have been learning snipits from other women and reading. The difference between each woman’s unique story about sexuality and her own body, etc is truly AMAZING. Anyway I haven’t really delved into reading any of Betty Dodson’s stuff or really taking this project full on……….I have alot of body image issues and shame issues. The AWAKENING Is growing and your blog post has Given me a truly renewed inspiration. I will check out the book that you mentioned and some of the quotes/authors and just sort of meditate and keep practicing. I have a dream to go to one of Betty Dodson’s workshops, but not sure at this time…. Do you live closer to the midwest at all…. LOL. I live in Nebraska and there is nothing of this sort here. (maybe underground?) Only like 3 therapists in the whole state who mention sexual healing or therapy in there online resume. Anyway, THANK YOU and I will be checking your blog periodically, thank you for what you are doing!!
Megan from Nebraska
Hey Megan!
It’s so neat to read some of your story as it really is so similar to mine! I am so glad that you feel renewed inspiration! I highly recommend Betty’s workshop for you. Its almost indescribable how much it helps with body image and shame. I am nearly done my certification and will be leading the same bodysex workshops in the Spring.(just writing my thesis) I live directly North of you in Saskatchewan Canada, but plan to run groups in B.C. and hopefully Ontario as well. So, that doesn’t help much as far as distance I’m afraid! There is a woman also doing her certification and she is in Colorado. But as of yet, I don’t know of any people running these other than Betty and Carlin. Feel free to email me anytime you want encouragement on your journey. I feel so blessed to be a part of a sisterhood of women awakening and pursuing more self awareness about their sexuality and their whole selves. And don’t ever worry about tmi! You can say anything.
Much, much gratitude for your kind words and your thanks.
Natasha
I can’t help but chime in Megan 🙂 I am a 35 yr old mom of 2 boys. became a nurse 3 years ago, work with the elderly, dementia and dying. I also have passions for Attachment Parenting, La Leche League and all things birth and breastfeeding. and although no degree, certainly an interest in psychology. (how’s that for similarities, lol!?). I’ve know Natasha since my oldest was a tiny baby and I am also inspired and terrified by her writings on these topics. Major body shame and repression issues here and I hope I am stating a slow process towards changing that. ~Lauren
I love your honesty Lauren… Thanks for sharing. <3