by Natasha | Nov 8, 2016 | Bodysex testimonial, Related Bodysex, Self loving/masturbation |
I haven’t finished my write up from this past weekend’s Bodysex retreat but a couple of testimonials have already come in. Here is one of them. I’m so happy for her!!!
“That was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. All of those women made me feel so comfortable and every one of them are so real!!!! I need more sisters in my life to make me feel that way. I came home stripped naked and looked in the mirror and said “you are beautiful, you have beautiful curves.” Today and going forward I am gonna love myself and exercise and eat healthy and nourish my body and make love to myself……. And fucking orgasm. YES!!!!! Thank you for helping me find myself again.”
by Natasha | Mar 17, 2016 | Awakening, Self loving/masturbation |
This is dedicated to the women in my life who have taught me that being orgasmic is a kind of conscious awareness that extends far beyond our physical orgasms. Thanks for paving the way…….
I watch her, red stained hands, wearing only a bikini as she picks raspberry after raspberry and puts them in a bucket. Small but strong, she carries her body in a way that makes me pay attention. She is a mother – nearly 20 years older than me – and looking down at my youthful, yet covered up body, I know that she know’s something that I don’t.
It’s in the subtle sway of her hips, in the healthy food that she eats, the love she puts into her body, and that look of mischief in her eyes that tells me there is always something more going on. This is an orgasmic woman.
We huddle together in a wine bar drinking glass after glass and people watching. She is in her 80’s, and needs to sit close enough to hear me talk over the hum of the people around us. Servers come and go and she makes comments under her breath about who she would like to take home and *%&#. A little while later she sits holding a crying woman in her arms – who was a stranger only moments before.
It’s in her acceptance of herself. The swears, the irreverence, the dirty talk and at the same time her acceptance of others. It’s in the freedom to be exactly who she is and not apologize. This is an orgasmic woman.
I see her standing there looking like a jewel against a cement background. She’s in her sixties, scarf blowing in the wind, cheeks flushed, hair in complete disarray. From the look on her face I know that she has taken on the town today. And she has.
It’s in her wind blown hair, in her smile that knows things that other women don’t, and in her ability to completely lose herself in her orgasms. This is an orgasmic woman.
It’s early in the morning and I’m laying in bed feeling more awake than I’ve ever felt in my life. Taking off my blanket the cold air hits my warm body, instantly making all the tiny hairs stand on end. I shiver and the shiver reminds me of the shiver I feel when I’m touched. Skin on skin. Moving my hands closer to my body I can feel the heat from them on my skin, and I arch towards it. Closer my hands gets until they rest on the tiny hairs that are still standing erect from the cold. The pressure form my hand on the tips of the hairs sends more shivers into my body and instantly I am overcome with pleasure.
Swaying my hips, putting love into my body, accepting myself just as I am, I lose myself in my orgasms. I am an orgasmic woman.
by Natasha | Sep 22, 2015 | Awakening, Self loving/masturbation
A couple of weeks ago – feeling emotionally exhausted and broken – I felt an overwhelming need for elder women wisdom. I wanted support and words from those who have been here – where I am right now – and to know what they had learnt from this place. I reached out to my teacher Betty Dodson, my friend Celeste Lemieux, and primarily my own mother. In their own way each of the women gifted me with some of their strength, support and knowledge that it’s safe for me to be myself with them. It was however, by reaching out to my own mother in an open and very vulnerable way, that I discovered shamefully that I hadn’t really seen her before. I had never taken the time or energy to recognize her as a whole human being with physical, spiritual, emotional, intellectual and sexual parts. The wall around myself meant that not only was it difficult to see in, but it was also difficult to see out. By finally allowing her to see me, I was able to see her and in looking discovered that my sexuality comes from my mother.
My sexuality is not separate from myself or my life, but rather a crucial part of my everyday way of being and how I relate to my body. In this sense it can only be truly actualized when the other parts of myself are getting care and attention as well. Looking at my life I could clearly see how my mother has had an affect on my physical, emotional spiritual and intellectual well being – all of which are also a part of and influence my sexuality. In fact it’s impossible to look at my sexuality without looking at these elements of it. It is holistic.
So with overwhelming gratitude I wrote this for my mom.
Thank you mom.
For giving me life.
For breastfeeding me.
For encouraging me to “colour outside the lines” when my doing so was questioned by others.
For feeding me healthy food even though I resented you for it.
For setting up my childhood to always include space for awe and wonder.
For the cross you traced on my forehead when you thought I was sleeping.
For seeking out and following your own spirituality so that I knew that the same was possible for me.
For showing and telling me that I could do anything that I want to in life.
For taking me travelling.
For encouraging me and my friends to be artistic in a way that was unique and authentic to us. You did this by giving us free reign to decorate the cold storage room any way that we wanted to and provided a rainbow of paint colours and tiles to choose from – never once suggesting how we should do it.
For letting me make a mess.
For making me clean up my mess.
For always being there but never hovering.
For being rude to the one boyfriend who was rude to me. I secretly loved it.
For telling me that following my heart is essential but will never be easy.
For saying that you’re proud of me.
For allowing me to make my own mistakes and not punishing me for them.
For teaching me frugality and that joy comes from living with less.
For letting me learn alongside you rather than you doing it for me.
For helping people without judgement of their situation.
For allowing me to witness you breaking down sometimes so that I knew it was okay when it happened to me.
For always getting back up.
For giving me an appreciation of the smell of sweet peas, the feel of bread dough, the taste of homemade cooking, the sound of classical music and the ever present vision of your hands creating, cooking, building, sewing.
My own hands have taught me that no matter what struggles I have, they are an ever present point of connection with myself – my whole self.
Thanks mom.
by Natasha | Aug 25, 2015 | Posts, Self loving/masturbation |
It’s back to school time again for children all over North America which means that mothers are rushing around buying school supplies, new clothes, and banging their heads against the wall thinking of what 3 items to put into their kids lunches because God forbid they only send 1.
We are stressed and exhausted but – there is a silver lining to this story. Having our kids back in school means……….
No more trying to dismiss the dull buzzing noise – coming from behind closed doors – as an electric shaver. “But mom why are you using dad’s shaver?” “Shhhhhhh…..I need to concentrate in here or I’ll cut myself! Al….most there!”
No more biting down on your bottom lip to ensure that no moans escape, causing kids to come running to see what “hurt” mom.
No more rushing back inside for a quickie while the kids are strapped securely in the van because you forgot to feed the “kitty.” 😉
Reading this you might be thinking of the “poor” working moms who don’t reap these benefits from their kids going back to school. But these women don’t need our pity. They are a resourceful bunch.
They tell me stories of “bathroom breaks,” frantic trips home in the middle of the day to retrieve that crucial document that was forgotten but happens to be in the desk drawer at work.
Legs crossing and uncrossing behind cash registers and office desks while customers and co-workers comment that there is an “Incredible glow surrounding you today.” Uh huh. There sure is!
And we can’t forget the days where mama gets to leave work early but decides to head home to an empty house to “scour the stove top” before picking the kids up from daycare.
So mamas remember this! As you’re searching the aisles in Staples for the “correct” colour of notebook, in one week your kids will be back to school and it will all be worth it…..
by Natasha | Aug 11, 2015 | Body Image, Posts, Self loving/masturbation |
The smell of: my mom’s homemade spaghetti sauce, wood smoke and cow dung, baking bread, my son’s unwashed hair after a week in the sun, rain storms, breast milk breath, digging dirt, wild flowers, herbal essence shampoo, my fertile pussy.
The taste of: berries freshly picked, honeysuckles, cherries that we only got to eat once a year, mango’s on the beach, pineapple weed, peach schnappes, chai on a rainy day, salty sweat.
The sound of: children playing, babies sucking milk from my breast, a tea pot whistling, leaves click clicking together when the wind blows, coyote’s and hyenas at night, sex, 90’s sitcom theme songs, birds waking me up outside my tent in Kenya, my breath while I build to orgasm.
The feel of: my dad’s kiss on my forehead before bed, the curve of my children’s soft round bums, the pages of my favourite book between my fingers, someone having my back, strawberry seeds in my teeth, a warm mug of tea, sand in my toes, compassion, skin touching skin, the family bed, sun on my naked body, lips on lips, my hand between my legs in just the right spot.
The sight of: wheat blowing in the wind, true empathy in the eyes of my child as I clean the mess from an overflowed toilet, someone I love ugly crying, red dirt, Acacia trees, babies on mama’s backs, hard working hands, my 37 year old self, women orgasming in the sacred Bodysex circle.
What is home to you?
by Natasha | Jul 20, 2015 | Body Image, Partner sex, Posts, Self loving/masturbation |
I wake up horny but alone in my bed. I know that I should get up and take advantage of the quiet house but my body wins over my mind and I decide to just rub one out.
Making breakfast for kids and a jar of jam that I bought at the farmers market slips out of my hand and smashes on the tile floor. I look around at the sticky mess and I want to scream but instead I finish helping the kids with breakfast then sneak off to rub one out. All of a sudden cleaning doesn’t seem so bad.
Kids gone, working on my classes I know I should maximize my time alone to get stuff done but all I can think of is that there is no one here and I need to do some other “research.” Back and forth I list reasons in my head why I should do the “right thing” and study. Fuck it I say and I go rub one out.
Driving alone and blissfully fantasizing, I’m suddenly overwhelmed with desire and the need overtakes me so I pull over, hide in the back of my van and rub one out. Back on the road again I’m a better driver because of it.
Home cooking dinner, folding laundry while kids run in and out of the house. Feels like complete chaos and this “witching hour” before dinner is always the hardest hour of my day. Needing some kind of boost to keep me from losing it on everyone I head to the bathroom for a much needed “break” and go rub one out. Returning to the kitchen I’m super mom, flushed and glowing I finish the cooking and laundry with a huge smile on my face. I can do anything now cause I just rubbed one out.
Kids all tucked into bed and it’s time for a bath. It’s been a full day and lowering my body into the hot, soapy water feels just right. At this point all is well but I’m once again alone and we all know where this is going. Time to rub one out. Just. because. I. can.
Bedtime now and one might expect that after all that rubbing out I’ve used up all of my orgasms. This couldn’t be more wrong because, as a woman, the more I get – the more I am reminded of what I want. Not only do I feel light and free but all of the self loving means I feel extraordinarily beautiful too. Ready for more – only this time I’m not alone in my bed…….
