“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Maryanne Williamson
A friend messaged me this morning saying that she was experiencing a “vulnerability hangover” about something that she had shared in a group. I mirrored back to her similar feelings about something that I had also shared and, while we talked, it became evident that what made us feel the most vulnerable was that we had shared our successes. We had shared a strength in something that we were overcoming, and by doing so, we felt exposed.
My story growing up was that I was dumb. I don’t think that anyone told me that story but my sisters were exceptionally smart and I was seen as the “people” person. All of my adult life I’ve felt inadequate around “educated” people. I would shrink in academic conversation – every once in awhile sticking in something that hopefully sounded a bit smart??? – while thinking that I was a complete idiot and they must be thinking the same thing. Going to school for counselling was terrifying for me and with each class I was sure that my instructor would see how dumb I really was. But it never happened. Academically I excelled and with this “success” I began to see myself in a new story. I am smart. I’m not stupid and I do have valuable things to add to conversations. With this realization also came fear. Staying small, quiet (yah I know everyone is laughing at me using that word) and hidden meant that I couldn’t disappoint others. Being exposed is a double edged sword.
As the conversation with my friend unfolded I was struck by the reality of what we were saying. Our stories, our inadequacies, our traumas, our broken parts are our ARMOUR. Some we have chosen for ourselves, some were told to us by others, and some have been brutally forced upon us. We may desperately want to let them go, but we may also be desperately afraid of letting them go. Without our armour we have no excuse to not shine.
As children we learned to protect ourselves from the uncomfortable feelings of rejection, dismissal, anger shame etc. We made ourselves small so that we couldn’t be noticed, we made ourselves helpful so that we couldn’t be punished. We hid, we faked, we went deep inside ourselves – essentially doing whatever it took to feel safe. This protective mechanism kept us alive when faced with real or perceived dangers, and safe when we didn’t always feel that the big people in our lives could protect us. But as we grew, these mechanisms held us back. They limit our chance at being hurt but they also limit our chance at greatness. In that way they no longer serve us.
I hear women so often saying that they are scared to sit in the Bodysex circle because they are afraid to face their own reality. Afraid that once they take off their armour – their clothing and their stories – they won’t be able to be small anymore. It is a valid fear and one that comes at a real cost. Not everyone will be okay with your greatness and many will feel insecure around you. But this is only because they’re afraid of their own greatness and of being reminded that they are holding back from it as well. Realizing and actualizing our greatness doesn’t mean that we no longer have the less great parts. I’m perfect testament to that. I fuck up daily and maybe sometimes I fuck up to have a reason to hide – reason to not do this work, and to run. Or maybe I fuck up just cause I’m human. Who knows.
But what I do know is that sitting naked in the Bodysex circle is a profound act of bravery and in doing so you will be changed forever. In that circle you aren’t the victim, you are just you. By simply being ourselves – “liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” See you in the circle.
It’s back to school time again for children all over North America which means that mothers are rushing around buying school supplies, new clothes, and banging their heads against the wall thinking of what 3 items to put into their kids lunches because God forbid they only send 1.
We are stressed and exhausted but – there is a silver lining to this story. Having our kids back in school means……….
No more trying to dismiss the dull buzzing noise – coming from behind closed doors – as an electric shaver. “But mom why are you using dad’s shaver?” “Shhhhhhh…..I need to concentrate in here or I’ll cut myself! Al….most there!”
No more biting down on your bottom lip to ensure that no moans escape, causing kids to come running to see what “hurt” mom.
No more rushing back inside for a quickie while the kids are strapped securely in the van because you forgot to feed the “kitty.” 😉
Reading this you might be thinking of the “poor” working moms who don’t reap these benefits from their kids going back to school. But these women don’t need our pity. They are a resourceful bunch.
They tell me stories of “bathroom breaks,” frantic trips home in the middle of the day to retrieve that crucial document that was forgotten but happens to be in the desk drawer at work.
Legs crossing and uncrossing behind cash registers and office desks while customers and co-workers comment that there is an “Incredible glow surrounding you today.” Uh huh. There sure is!
And we can’t forget the days where mama gets to leave work early but decides to head home to an empty house to “scour the stove top” before picking the kids up from daycare.
So mamas remember this! As you’re searching the aisles in Staples for the “correct” colour of notebook, in one week your kids will be back to school and it will all be worth it…..
This movie night is for anyone interested in my upcoming workshop, http: //natashasalaash.com/everything-you-need-to-know-about-bodysex-canada/ or who wants to learn from these amazing orgasmic women. $10/person. Popcorn included in the price. Bring a beverage of your choice. (alcohol or other) Discussion will follow the film.
Date: September 11th, 2015. Time: 7-10 pm. Location: 300, 3rd Avenue Saskatoon Sask. Canada.
** Women over 18 of all sexual orientations welcome. Video contains nudity and real masturbation. If you aren’t okay with that, please don’t come. Seating is limited so please confirm a spot with me.
“13 bold women share their masturbation practices,with sex educator Betty Dodson, and demonstrate the wonderful variety in women’s orgasms.
Ranging in age from 21 to 48, the women discuss how they discovered masturbation, frequency of masturbation, the length of time they take, and how masturbation affects their partnersex. They have orgasms ranging from quiet to vocally joyous using their current techniques: manual or vibrator clitoral stimulation, with and without vaginal penetration.
Orgasmic Women is erotic and very moving, an inspiration for pleasure-positive women and the men and women who love them. It’s also an essential addition in the treatment of pre-orgasmic women for sex therapists, doctors and educators.”
Please email firstname.lastname@example.org to book a seat.
Check out my workshop and testimonial pages for more info! I hope to see you in the circle.
The smell of: my mom’s homemade spaghetti sauce, wood smoke and cow dung, baking bread, my son’s unwashed hair after a week in the sun, rain storms, breast milk breath, digging dirt, wild flowers, herbal essence shampoo, my fertile pussy.
The taste of: berries freshly picked, honeysuckles, cherries that we only got to eat once a year, mango’s on the beach, pineapple weed, peach schnappes, chai on a rainy day, salty sweat.
The sound of: children playing, babies sucking milk from my breast, a tea pot whistling, leaves click clicking together when the wind blows, coyote’s and hyenas at night, sex, 90’s sitcom theme songs, birds waking me up outside my tent in Kenya, my breath while I build to orgasm.
The feel of: my dad’s kiss on my forehead before bed, the curve of my children’s soft round bums, the pages of my favourite book between my fingers, someone having my back, strawberry seeds in my teeth, a warm mug of tea, sand in my toes, compassion, skin touching skin, the family bed, sun on my naked body, lips on lips, my hand between my legs in just the right spot.
The sight of: wheat blowing in the wind, true empathy in the eyes of my child as I clean the mess from an overflowed toilet, someone I love ugly crying, red dirt, Acacia trees, babies on mama’s backs, hard working hands, my 37 year old self, women orgasming in the sacred Bodysex circle.
What is home to you?