by Natasha | Jul 20, 2015 | Body Image, Partner sex, Posts, Self loving/masturbation |
I wake up horny but alone in my bed. I know that I should get up and take advantage of the quiet house but my body wins over my mind and I decide to just rub one out.
Making breakfast for kids and a jar of jam that I bought at the farmers market slips out of my hand and smashes on the tile floor. I look around at the sticky mess and I want to scream but instead I finish helping the kids with breakfast then sneak off to rub one out. All of a sudden cleaning doesn’t seem so bad.
Kids gone, working on my classes I know I should maximize my time alone to get stuff done but all I can think of is that there is no one here and I need to do some other “research.” Back and forth I list reasons in my head why I should do the “right thing” and study. Fuck it I say and I go rub one out.
Driving alone and blissfully fantasizing, I’m suddenly overwhelmed with desire and the need overtakes me so I pull over, hide in the back of my van and rub one out. Back on the road again I’m a better driver because of it.
Home cooking dinner, folding laundry while kids run in and out of the house. Feels like complete chaos and this “witching hour” before dinner is always the hardest hour of my day. Needing some kind of boost to keep me from losing it on everyone I head to the bathroom for a much needed “break” and go rub one out. Returning to the kitchen I’m super mom, flushed and glowing I finish the cooking and laundry with a huge smile on my face. I can do anything now cause I just rubbed one out.
Kids all tucked into bed and it’s time for a bath. It’s been a full day and lowering my body into the hot, soapy water feels just right. At this point all is well but I’m once again alone and we all know where this is going. Time to rub one out. Just. because. I. can.
Bedtime now and one might expect that after all that rubbing out I’ve used up all of my orgasms. This couldn’t be more wrong because, as a woman, the more I get – the more I am reminded of what I want. Not only do I feel light and free but all of the self loving means I feel extraordinarily beautiful too. Ready for more – only this time I’m not alone in my bed…….
by Natasha | Jul 7, 2015 | Body Image, Bodysex workshops, Nude in nature photos, Posts
In May I held my first Bodysex workshop and, in addition to the workshop, the women were given the option of participating in a “Nude in Nature” photography session done by my wonderful and talented friend Dana Kellet. Nine of the women chose to do so and a few of them agreed to share their words and photos from that special day. We did the photos the day after the workshop and right away Dana commented on how different it was from the usual nude photo shoots we do. After having spent two days together naked, the atmosphere was relaxed – while at the same time joyous – and clothes came off without the normal coaching and easing into it.
The photo process is a group effort with one woman being photographed at a time, while the others watch and encourage her – attempting to convey to her the light in which she is seen by others. It is a privilege for me personally to be allowed to, not only see them in their nakedness, but also be able to express to them what I see. Each woman is so unique and, as Betty Dodson would say, “We are all divine works of art.”
“I received my pics from Dana and cried. Sometimes it’s that different perspective that really hits you in the gut and genuinely allows us to appreciate our bodies for all they have persevered through. I am in awe.” – Bodysex and Nude in Nature photo participant.
“We giggled, danced, laughed, and openly admired each other. At the river’s edge, my head went quiet; tears of joy and sadness surprised me and poured out. These women, which I hardly know, and yet know so intimately, moved over to me and sat with me quietly, touched my skin, and affirmed that I’m just fine. I’m not too much. I’m not too little. I’m good just the way I am.” -Bodysex and Nude in Nature Participant
“It was an honour to be one of the women who made up the circle of Natasha’s first BodySex workshop. I was eager to participate in the workshop as it was another piece of my journey of learning to love myself again (my last relationship left me emotional shattered). Being naked with 11 other woman for 2 days wasn’t a concern for me – it was emotionally opening myself up and being vulnerable to strangers that had me hesitant. Would I be judged? Would I say too much? Would being bi-sexual make others uncomfortable? Any and all fears were quickly put to rest. Each woman opened her heart, her mind, her fears and insecurities, her struggles, her dreams and wishes, her tears, her story, her self discoveries, her compassion and empathy, and her love.
It was an incredible journey of emotions, self-reflection and self-realizations for me. I know that for a longtime to come I will continue to discover and appreciate all that the weekend brought out in me and taught me.”
– Bodysex and Nude in Nature Participant
My favourite moment from the day was when one of the women, who had held her body so tightly at the beginning of the weekend, laid back on the hot sand and moaned. Looking at her I saw her like the Goddess she is, clothed only in drops of wet sand. She radiated bliss and peacefulness and I said to her “You look so beautiful.” With a deep breath she responded “ I feel so beautiful.” There was no doubt at all that she saw and felt herself in the same light as the rest of us did, and that moment alone made the struggle to get here worth it.
Much love and gratitude to the circle of sisters who shared parts of their physical, emotional and sexual selves with me that weekend, and continue to inspire me to show others everyday – the light in which I see them. I am grateful.
Natasha
by Natasha | Jun 22, 2015 | Body Image, Posts
Last week I posted a picture link on my fb page “Embracing Pleasure” that included a blog post //natashasalaash.com/i-want-to-go-deeper-into-me/ headed by an artistic photo of me with my nipple exposed. Facebook removed the post citing their nudity standard of “restricting images of female breasts if they include a nipple.” If I wanted to repost the link I needed to keep the picture out of it, or cover the nipple in the photo. I knew about this policy before I posted the link but I was kind of hoping that it would go by undetected. Unfortunately someone reported it.
Yes my nipples feel sexual when touched or pinched but so do my lips, my neck and my back. In fact any part of my body can feel erotic at the hands of a lover. But as a mother of 5 my nipples have served purposes far beyond the sexual. I breast fed my children for a total of 10 years with these nipples. For 4 of my children my nipples served as the passageway to their only source of nourishment in the first 6 months of their lives. One of my children was adopted as a toddler and I breastfed her to encourage our bonding. To this day she and I both love that, even though I didn’t carry her in my stomach, I was able to breast feed her.
Annoyed by societies’ tendency towards over sexualizing the top half of the female body, I am posting this picture in the hopes of pointing out the ridiculousness of the unequal standard placed on women’s nipples.
FREE THE NIPPLE!!!
by Natasha | Jun 2, 2015 | Body Image, Bodysex workshops, Posts, Related Bodysex |
I am typing this through a steady stream of tears after saying good-bye to the last of the women who shared the circle with me this weekend. Where do I begin? How can I possibly define the experience that I just had? I feel like I have taken the journey of a lifetime and yet I never left this city. It was a journey deep inside myself, and I am profoundly grateful to have experienced it alongside 11 other amazing and powerful women.
Just three days before I had sat in the circle, waiting for the women to show up for the first ever Bodysex workshop that I would lead, forcing myself to stay in my breath and in my body. Anytime I am nervous or upset I instinctively begin to touch myself – my neck, my legs, my face, my vulva. This touch is my meditation and I know that with it I will always find a safe place – it takes me home. So I breathed and I touched and I thought with gratitude of the journey that I have been on these past 4 years and of all the people who have supported me to get here. I thought especially of Betty and how she paved the way for all of us, despite constant criticism, to celebrate the pleasure and power that is in ourselves. I kept thinking of her words to me “the sisterhood will always carry us through when we are in the sacred circle with our own honest “I”, and willing to share.” With this in mind I breathed and I touched and I watched the women enter.
Knowing that you are entering a room to take off your clothes -and essentially your armour – is a terrifying experience and, watching them, I thought back to my first Bodysex circle in New York. The shame and fear of having nothing to hide behind – no way to pretend that I was more beautiful than I really felt on the inside. Will anyone still love me when they see what I really look like? Shoulders down and arms folded I see the women looking grateful as they find their spot, sit down and are able to pull their knees up.
With arms wrapped around themselves in protection, we began the circle by sharing first person stories of how we feel about our bodies and how we feel about our orgasms. This beginning is always emotional as it takes a whole other level of vulnerability to be physically naked – while at the same time baring your soul. As I listen to each women’s story I see parts of myself in all of them and the love and compassion that I feel for them, is mirrored back to me. It is easy to lessen love directed at me by imagining that it is really about an image, a role or the person that I am hoping they see. But when I am naked – on the inside and out – and this love and acceptance is reflected at me, there is no way to negate it. It is love of my true self and seeing that in the eyes of another helps me to see myself more clearly. I am okay, they are okay, we are all okay, just as we are. No more and no less. Just as we are.
We share stories of orgasms, of not feeling deserving of pleasure, of fears, of ugliness, of self hatred, of eroticism, of unrequited love, of fantasies, of finding courage, of wanting, of loss, of touch. We laugh and we cry and the roots of our sisterhood begin to take hold.
As we move to genital show and tell one woman says “Somehow getting naked doesn’t seem so scary now. Can we just go back to that?!” We all laugh. Being able to look at, see, open up and understand our vulva, are important steps towards embracing our pleasure. It is amazing how many of us – even mothers- have never really looked at ourselves in this way. Comments of shock, wonder and beauty are expressed as the women realize that they are “normal” and that their vulva isn’t a wound or something to be ashamed of. For some the shame was passed to them through their own mothers’ shame, and in doing this ceremony we break the cycle of shame for our own children. We hold hands and offer hopes and wishes for our vulvas while the roots of sisterhood weave themselves in and around us making us all stronger within ourselves.
This show and tell ceremony was the part of the workshop that I was the most nervous about as I know that it is asking a great deal of anyone to open their vulva up and allow me to be close enough to look in the same mirror as they do. I wasn’t sure that I was worthy of this honour and a part of me was afraid that they would feel that way too. But in that space, touching their leg, explaining their anatomy to them, I felt worthy, and I was able to convey with absolute honesty, the beauty in which i see them – just like Betty did for me. I knew then that I can do this.
We ended day one feeling more comfortable in our bodies and easily able to walk around naked without feeling inhibited. Like butterflies slowly coming out of a cocoon the transformation of the women is beautiful to see and so many times I found myself crying with joy at the sight.
On day two I woke up feeling emotional and overwhelmed with self doubt and pressure that I was putting on myself to be the perfect leader. I’m just as fucked up as anyone else, am I worthy of this role? l knew that I was having a vulnerability hangover and that it’s normal to feel really intense emotions after putting myself out there. There is no taking it back. I am here, I am doing this, I can no longer run away. With my breath and my touch, I brought myself back into my body and shared these feelings with a friend while reminding myself that “The teacher will learn the most”…….Feeling centred I entered the circle again.
We took turns sharing how we were feeling after the emotional first day and how our nights went. Some women felt alive and elated, some had spend time enjoying their bodies and some felt raw and emotional – afraid of the conflicting emotions and the change that these new feelings might bring. Still day two is the day where we celebrate our pleasure and it just feels lighter. Looking around I see the women sitting differently. Legs extended, some spread open, breasts forward and several hands rubbing the homemade cream all over their bodies as they talk. It’s relaxed, it’s free, and with wings extending it is now time to explore the pleasure that our bodies are made for.
After an orgasm technique demo we lay back, pleasure ourselves using hands and vibrators, and are lulled by the sounds of the first woman orgasming. It’s almost impossible to not let go yourself when you hear another woman climax. Her pleasure carries me and I want that for myself. Soon the room becomes filled with sweat, laughter, tears, moans and cries of pleasure from the whole circle. In between orgasms I sit up and again am brought to tears by the beauty of the site before me. Women of all ages, from all over, pleasuring themselves together as if it’s the most normal thing in the world. And really it is. Wings spread they are like butterflies and I feel soooooo blessed to have been witness to a part of their transformation.
Afterwards we divide into two groups and each woman gets 10 minutes of loving touch from the other women. There are no words to describe this pleasure and it feels as good to touch them as it does when they touch me. We are so open now, bending over to get more oil, free in our nakedness, laughing and joking, asking about scars and marks on each other’s bodies.
To close the day we sit in a small circle, holding hands as each of us share a word that encapsulates the weekend for us. After saying our words we take time to look into each woman’s eyes and hold the gaze. This is always the most powerful part of the workshop for me and I sob with appreciation at how truly seen I feel. The words spoken are: Sisterhood, fearless, self-love, courage, free, possibilities, compassion, power, change, me, friendship, open, truth. With these words we raise our hands into the air and send our orgasmic energy out into the world in thanks to Betty for leading the way and with hopes that all the women in the world are able to be orgasmic in all that they do.
Thank you so much to my sisters:
Marilyn Monroe, Lizard tongue, Venus, Ruffles, Pea Pod, Houston, Stellaluna, Ruby, Lilly, Malificent, and Gypsy.
by Natasha | May 19, 2015 | Body Image, Posts |
1.When do we take off our clothes?
I will greet you at the door of the workshop naked and you will come in and take off your clothes first thing. Once undressed you will take a place in the circle and we will begin the workshop portion of the weekend without any physical barrier to hide behind. The workshop itself runs 5 hours each day of the retreat. During non workshop hours you are welcome to put your clothes on or remain naked. Whichever you prefer.
2. How is my privacy protected?
All participants will sign a confidentiality agreement stating that information about others in the workshop is kept confidential – including who is registered and what they do for a living etc. You are able to write or share your personal experience with others but not the experience of the other participants or any information about them.
3. Do you take photos?
I would like to take a photo of some part of the workshop where participants identities are hidden but I wouldn’t do this without permission from everyone as per the confidentiality agreement.
4. Will it be only women?
Yes the workshop is for women of all sexual orientations who have vulvas.
5. What should I bring?
Once you register for the retreat I will send you a list of things to bring.
6. What if I have my period?
Almost every workshop has at least 1 woman menstruating. This is totally okay. You can use a tampon, menstrual cup, or a piece of natural sea sponge during genital show and tell and erotic recess. Some women even choose to free bleed onto a towel. Bleeding is a natural part of being a woman and there is no shame in it.
7. Do I need to groom my pubic hair for the retreat?
The decision to shave or not shave is completely up to you and at each workshop there are women with full bush and others who are shaved. However you feel the most comfortable is the best.
8. What happens in the first 15 minutes?
Once you have undressed you will take your place in the circle. I will lead the introductions and then we will begin by talking about how we feel about our bodies and how we feel about our orgasms. All sharing will be done in first person. This is about our experiences and feelings – not our husbands or mothers or partners etc.
9. Will doing this workshop enhance my sex life with my partner?
I honestly can’t answer this question. You will get from the workshop what you put in but the reason for participating should be your own. This is about your body and feelings about it, as well as your orgasms or lack of and ways to improve them. This experience may enhance your relationship with others in your life but most importantly it will enhance your relationship with yourself – which IMO is the key to the enhancement of relationships with others.
10. What if I start crying?
It’s normal to cry when opening up to others and sharing vulnerabilities or to cry during intense orgasms. All of this is okay and many of us will do so – including myself.
11. Is everyone as scared as me?
While I can’t speak for all I do know that most/many of the women who register are scared and excited including myself! Many of the women email me back and forth in the weeks leading up to the retreat sharing their concerns and fears. This is normal and I welcome you to do so.
12. Will I be expected to masturbate?
Yes. In the second half of day two we will all masturbate using our hands and/or mystic wand vibrators as well.
13. What if I can’t orgasm?
If you orgasm, great. If you don’t that is okay too. Orgasm is NOT the goal. We are here to heal body shame, explore intimacy with ourselves, overcome sexual guilt and experience true sisterhood. There is no agenda and no expectations. No one will know either way unless you share it.
14. Can I keep the mystic want vibrator and vaginal barbell that I use during the workshop?
The mystic wand vibrator is yours to take home after the workshop as the cost is included in the fee. The vaginal barbel is not included in the fee and isn’t to be taken home.
15. Will I be touched? Will I touch?
At the end of the second day there is a group massage exercise where you will get the chance to touch and be touched (non sexually) by the other women in the workshop. This is one of the most powerful parts of the workshop and really cements our bond as sisters. Many women consider this the best part of the workshop.
16. Can I bring something to eat?
Yes you can if you would like, but I will provide plenty of healthy snacks and meals for the entire retreat. If you have any emotional issues with food that cause you to feel stress if you don’t have food with you at all times, then I recommend you bring some of your own snacks in case. However there will be more than enough available to eat.
17. Am I the right age to do the workshop?
There is no “right” age for this workshop as long as you are an adult. The Bodysex workshops that I participated in had women ranging in age from 20 – 85. The most common age seems to be between 30 and 50. The diversity in age adds greatly to the experience as each person brings different energy and knowledge to the circle.
18. Do I have to participate in all activities?
Yes you do. It is unfair for some of us to be vulnerable while others don’t. Again what you put into the workshop will affect what you get out of it. When the actual workshop hours are done you have free time to do what you like and be with others or be alone.
19. What if I really want to come but can’t afford to pay the whole fee at once?
Payment plans are an option that many women choose. I want this weekend to be accessible to as many women as possible so please let me know how I could support you in being able to attend.
by Natasha | May 11, 2015 | Body Image, Bodysex workshops, Female circumcision, Posts |
Many people ask me how and why I got to the place that I am at right now – running Bodysex workshops and doing private Orgasm coaching for women. Some suggest that it’s hedonistic, or that it’s anti-men – while others say that there are more important things to focus energy on. I believe that there is no better place than inside myself to find the gifts that I can bring to the world. The best way that I have found to access these gifts -as well as my inner power, my pleasure, my strengths and myself – is through my own touch.
There are so many stories that led me here, and today I will share one about- and in honour of – all of the girls who have had their right to sexual pleasure taken from them.
I went to Kenya at the age of 19, in the hopes of living and learning from other cultures. Through several twists of fate I was invited to live with the Maasai tribe, in southern Kenya, and learn from the women in the village.
Particularly interested in their mothering practices, I immediately noticed that the children seemed happy, secure, confident and capable. I marvelled at the fact that they rarely cried, babies were always in someone’s arms, they breast fed for years, and no one slept alone. I began to see a correlation between these things – the mothering practices and the child’s feeling of rightness. This way of parenting provided a secure foundation for children to grow from. The intimacy with their mother and other female caregivers, was firmly established early on, so that the children felt right and therefore acted right.
As I got to know the women better I heard them talking about a cultural practice called female circumcision. At puberty, using no anaesthetic, they would remove a girls clitoris and inner labia. As I sat in my tent thinking about this, it dawned on me that what they were removing was a woman’s right to pleasure. The clitoris is the only organ in the body that has no other purpose except for pleasure. So by removing it they are essentially removing a woman’s power.
Living so far from home, and amongst a completely different culture, I felt it wrong to judge this practice. Who was I to say what was right or wrong for someone else? Also it sounded like the ceremony was done by the women and that the women themselves wanted it. I decided to remain open minded but initiated several discussions with Maasai men and women on the topic.
One of the reasons for circumcising women I was told, was hygiene. This I just could not understand. How could a clitoris be considered dirty? Most of the people however knew of no reason at all except that a girl couldn’t be a woman, and therefore get married, until she is circumcised.
The day came where I was invited to the circumcision of a sweet, shy girl named Mary. Circumcision ceremonies signify a rite of passage in Maasai culture and I knew that it was a privilege to be invited. With mixed feelings I agreed to go.
In Maasai homes, there is one main room for the beds and kitchen fire, and then a smaller room for the sheep and goats. When a girl is circumcised it is done in the smaller room, and I struggled to find space in there amongst the many women and young girls. A portion of the mud and stick roof had been removed to let light in and Mary sat, under this opening, on a sheep skin spread out on the floor. She was newly shaved with not a visible hair remaining on her head or body – not even eyebrows. She wore a beaded sheepskin, that hung down the centre of her body covering her vulva, and I could see her budding breasts on either side of the skin. Her face held a look that was a mix of determination and fear and I felt a deep sadness at the reality of what was about to happen. Mary was just becoming a woman.
Women took places on either side of her – ready to hold her legs open – while another sat behind to hold her arms back and cover her eyes. One of these women was her mother and I wondered if this was a day that she had dreaded since Mary was born – or if it was a fact of life that she just accepted. Women and children surrounded this scene watching and waiting- some with hands ready to cover their eyes – until an old grandma came in with a razor and knelt between Mary’s legs. Pouring some sort of liquid on Mary’s vulva, as a way of blessing her, the other women took hold of her limbs and covered her eyes. Then the grandma began to cut.
She began by first removing Mary’s clitoris, cutting off all that was exposed, and then removing her inner lips that were beginning to grow as she was entering womanhood. I saw Mary struggle and scream trying to break free, but the women held tight. Some women around me were looking away, or biting the cloth that hung around their faces, while the little girls watched intendedly. I wondered how they felt knowing that they would be in Mary’s place someday?
Mary managed to struggle enough that the hands came off of her eyes for a brief moment, and the look on her face is one that I will remember forever. I saw fear, pain, torture and panic as she searched the room for an escape. Bursting into tears I was told to leave so that I wouldn’t upset any one else.
Walking back to my tent I felt horrible shame for being a part of something so horrific. Crying and crying I replayed the brutal images in my mind. There was no way that I could accept this as a cultural practice. Mary was a human being and what I had witnessed was wrong any way that I looked at it.
Later that day I went back to Mary’s village to see how she was doing. She was sitting on a bed of soft and beautifully smelling leaves that her mother had made her, looking proud and almost happy. Relieved that it was over I wondered? I shivered imagining how painful it would be to urinate with an open wound on her vulva and then thought how traumatizing it would be to open those legs for her husband when she got married.
Mary smiled at me as I gave her a gift and we held hands while watching the other women prepare food for the party that follows a circumcision. I knew in that moment that there was nothing that I could have done to stop her circumcision, or that I could do for her now to make it better. Yet something inside of me was profoundly changed as I shamefully realized that even with my clitoris intact, I wasn’t embracing my own sexual pleasure or power.
I am just beginning to understand the affect that this experience and the subsequent circumcisions of my nieces and other girls, that I watched grow up, has had on me. I feel a constant aching and painful sadness at the loss of pleasure, creativity, and power in their lives.
By learning to accept and explore my own body with the intent to build intimacy with myself and learn to be my own lover, I have found the power of myself, for myself. It didn’t come from anyone else and once I discovered it, it was impossible to ignore. I cannot imagine my life without this right and this pleasure and I truly hope that the practice of female genital mutilation stops completely. For those of us who have our clitoris intact I hope that we can find a way to embrace our pleasure – as our basic human birthright.
