by Natasha | May 27, 2015 | Bodysex workshops, Posts, Related Bodysex, Workshops |
I spent last night drinking wine, laughing and sharing stories about vulnerability, pleasure, and heartache with my friend who had flown in from Norway. It was just over a year ago that she sat across from me in my first Bodysex circle, saying that she would come to Canada when I led my own. She seemed serious then but I knew that Norway is far away and, having spent only two days together, I didn’t really expect her to come. Yet here she is.
Sharing with her last night I was as free and as naked as I was then, knowing that she has seen me – inside and out – and that she accepts what she sees. In the Bodysex circle we share stories as our honest “I’s” and decide which ones we want to hold onto and which ones we can leave in the circle. There is no need to pretend we were greater or lesser than we are. We just are.
I have so many sisters that have supported me to get here today – three days away from leading my first Bodysex workshop. Some have sat with me in the circle, some share my blood, and some share my daily life. The thing that bonds us together, is that we share our gifts and our vulnerabilities. We trade photography costs for childcare, we share food, we listen to each other plan and scheme great and insane ideas. We ugly cry, we encourage, we orgasm, we treat each others children like our own. We get naked, we support, we drop things and come without hesitation. We hold space, we express shame, we empathize, and we never ask each other to be anything more or less than who we are.
No matter what we share – whether it is our greatest accomplishment or our greatest shame – we are met with eyes of understanding, a hand on the shoulder, a hug and absolute acceptance of everything that is seen and heard. We are seen, we are known, we are heard, we are accepted. We are sisters.
This weekend I will once again sit in the Bodysex circle of sisters – some of whom are new to me and some who aren’t. I am grateful already for the stories that we will share, for what I will learn about them and about myself, for the celebration of our bodies, for the celebration of our pleasure and for the power of sisterhood.
by Natasha | Mar 26, 2015 | Body Image, Bodysex workshops, Workshops |
I could talk about some of the logistics of body sex. The fact that the workshop is done in the nude. That women come from around the world and strip naked as soon as they are greeted at the door of Betty’s apartment. That we sit in a circle and share how we feel about our bodies, our orgasms. That we do a vulva show and tell and literally open our bodies up for these other women to see. That we are told what makes our vulva unique and beautiful. That we cry and we laugh. That we bring ourselves to orgasm – embracing our pleasure in a circle of women. That we end the day with group massage. That it feels amazing to be loved and accepted by all of these women who were strangers the day before.
All of those things are true. But this weekend I realized the power of body sex as it means to me.
Body sex is about stories. It’s is about looking at the stories I have been told or that I told myself about who I am, my scars, my limitations, my pain, my pleasure or my lack of pleasure. Body sex forced me to let them go. To leave them in the circle. It is the ultimate vulnerability. I came in naked with nothing at all to hide behind. When I began to talk about my problems, I felt kind of silly. As Betty says “The present moment is the point of power.” I started to wonder why the fuck am I telling that story. Who is that story even about? Was it mine, or was it just given to me? I wonder if I needed it as much as it needed me?
But here, in this circle with women from around the globe, I am naked and vulnerable and that story that kept me from ever truly being vulnerable, no longer seems to fit. In that circle, I feel only acceptance, authenticity, love, truth and sisterhood. Those stories I realized, may be a part of me, but they aren’t me. They came off with my clothes at the door, with a smile from a woman beside me in the circle, with the recognition of another’s pain, with tears as I shared, with the acceptance of my vulva, with the cries of my orgasm, with the embracing of my pleasure.
When I am naked and accepted in my nakedness, I don’t need those stories to explain why I am this way. I just AM this way. And every woman in that space saw me just as I am. No longer defined by my stories. The mother, the good girl, the bad girl, the slut, the prude, the victim, the too much. I am just me. And when I left that circle, I realized that I can not go back to those old stories. They are no longer relevant to me. I am me, just as I am and that is fucking brilliant.
With love and gratitude,
Natasha
by Natasha | Mar 13, 2015 | Body Image, Bodysex workshops, Self loving/masturbation, Workshops |
I am extremely excited to be offering Betty Dodson Certified Bodysex workshops, for the first time,here in Canada! These workshops will take place in Saskatoon, SK. on May 30th and 31st. I will post more details and a list of common questions, that people have, over the next two days. In the meantime if you want to learn more, check out my blog posts, email me questions at natashawiig@hotmail.com or go to Betty Dodson’s website //dodsonandross.com for more details on what Bodysex is. I hope to see you in the circle.
by Natasha | Mar 3, 2015 | Body Image, Workshops |
(This blog post is best read while listening to “Bird Song” by The Wailin’ Jennys)
We opened the Art of Self Loving Workshop in a circle where I asked that we each share, in first person, how we feel about our body and our masturbation history. This weekend wasn’t supposed to be about anyone else in our lives – husbands, lovers or friends – only our own experiences and feelings. What emerged were intimate stories of touch, shame, masks, labels, boxes, fears, pleasure and loss. We all cried at different times – sometimes I was crying for myself but often it was for someone else who expressed feelings that I recognized all too well. This sharing is where we began to build trust and slowly extend our roots of sisterhood towards each other. We ended the first day by practicing a technique called sensate focus touch. The idea is to learn to touch ourselves lightly, while paying attention to the point where our fingertip meets our skin. Sometimes we aren’t at all present in our touch and it can feel almost mechanical on the part of the giver and the receiver. But in this practice we continually remind ourself to go back to the point of connection and, intuitively, our body tells us which part or parts seem to need it the most. Touching ourselves in this way is an act of love and compassion, and each time it is practiced our body stores the memory of the sensation so that the next time the pleasure is greater still. We left with a homework assignment to touch our whole body in that way. No pressure to orgasm, no expectation at all, just paying attention to the exact point of connection.
I went home feeling calm about the day that had been and about what was to come tomorrow. I found space to do my “homework” but as soon as I started touching myself I realized that I was completely numb. Something was bothering me and it was inhibiting me from really being present in my touch. My self loving practice is rarely about just getting a release. It’s my way of connecting to my body, loving myself, being honest and discovering new ways to explore my pleasure. Frustrated I forced myself to go inwards for the answers to this numbness and, in doing so, discovered feelings beyond the mask of calmness. What I encountered was shame about not sharing enough of my own vulnerabilities with these women who had bared parts of their souls with me. I wondered if they thought I had it all figured out and that everything was perfect for me. I had asked them to meet me in the circle and show up prepared to do the work but I hadn’t really done the same because a part of me wanted to appear to have it all figured out. There was also a feeling of vulnerability about showing them my body. As part of a genital show and tell exercise that day I had sat naked on a rug in front of the group with a light shining on my genitals, opening myself to show them all the visible parts of my sexual anatomy. The purpose of this was to teach the functions, but also show other women what a real womans vulva actually looks like. In the Bodysex workshops, Betty guided each of us through this exercise with her loving hand on our leg and encouraged us with words describing the unique beauty of our pussies. Betty hadn’t been there to do that today and I wondered what they thought of me. Did they think I was ugly? Did they understand the purpose of this exercise or the power behind it? Sitting inside all of these feelings I decided to never do this workshop again. I would just finish my Bodysex certification, lead Betty Dodson’s workshops and if those didn’t work out I could blame Betty. (sorry Betty but its with brutal honesty that I’m admitting it) This workshop has parts of myself in it – namely in the emphasis placed on skin to skin touching of ourselves as a practice towards intimacy. Putting myself out there like that was terrifying. I lay there pondering the idea that all I had learnt and believed may be complete bullshit to everyone else while begrudgingly resuming the “homework” that I myself had assigned. Continuing to mechanically touch my body, while sitting in these feelings, I realized that I was rejecting myself before the group could reject me. That felt safer. Exhausted from the energy this took I needed a physical release. So I straightened my body, held my breath, touched myself – without any love – and orgasmed. Essentially on the night of my first workshop, I had abandoned almost all of the self loving methods I had learnt to use and was teaching this group. Breath. Movement. Loving touch. Then that voice in my head that I’m going to call Betty(smile) spoke up, reminding me that “The teacher is going to learn the most” and I thought “Oh fuck you can do better….. Stop running.”
I woke the next morning feeling energized. I had survived the “vulnerability hangover” and was ready to do the work, meeting the women in the circle – mask undone. Not only as the workshop facilitator but as a woman on my own journey of self love and acceptance who doesn’t have it all figured out. Sitting in the circle again and seeing all of the beautiful women eager to grow and learn with me, I shared my fears and the story of my failed attempt at the self loving homework the night before – right down to my half ass teenage orgasm. What I saw reflected back at me were accepting eyes, kind smiles and understanding nods. I like to think that it made me one of them, or maybe they always felt that I was – but in that moment I knew it too. As the other women took turns sharing how their homework went, I heard stories of looking in the mirror and opening themselves up for the first time, feeling erotically turned on by touching “non sexual” parts of themselves, orgasms, inner peacefulness that seemed to effect the others in their life that night, lust for self, asking for touch from another for the first time, vulnerability, and of difficulty at staying focused in the touch. All of my fears, while valid, were unfounded as the power of the workshop was happening in the ways it was supposed to. We cried together again followed by laughter as we ate popcorn and watched Betty’s documentary on orgasmic women. It was great to see all the different ways that women pleasure themselves and how no one way is right or wrong. After that I again took my spot on the rug and demonstrated types of touch that I use on myself as well as Betty’s Rock and Roll orgasm method. I shared parts of my own practice and encouraged taking the time to develop their own. I felt proud and beautiful in my nakedness and I knew that I was accepted as I am by each of those women.
The last exercise before closing circle was group touch. We divided into two groups and took turns touching a women on one or both sides for about 7 minutes. This, after a weekend of incredible sharing, vulnerability and sisterhood was unbelievable powerful. Sliding my hands over their bodies I could feel them at first hesitate and then melt into the touch. Tears poured down our faces as we felt and saw the effect that our loving touch had on every women. Clothing started to come off as external and internal layers were shed – allowing for more love to enter. I felt gratitude at being able to touch these women in this way and hoped, as I’d hoped when touching Betty a year before, that some of their strength and inner beauty would soak back into me. When it was my turn to receive I was struck by the power of their touch as soon as they placed their hands upon me. The closest way I could describe it is that of a high orgasm. It’s so internal it can’t be designated as coming from one place. It was as if they touched my soul. In an instant I was transported back to a year before, in the Bodysex workshop, when the women there touched me. This was a great reinforcement of what I had taught the day before about sensate focus touch and how the pleasure imprints in our bodies, increasing sensations every time we give or receive it.
To close the workshop we sat in a circle on the floor, invisible roots of sisterhood fully intertwined, holding hands and shared one word that encompassed what the weekend meant to us. Deliberately looking ,one at a time,into each women’s eyes the words that we spoke were: Open, Melting, Transcendence, Accepted, Connected, Empowered, Comfortable, Free, Loved and Vulnerable.
I look forward to sharing the circle with another group of women at my next Art of Self Loving Workshop //natashasalaash.com/?p=19 on May 2nd and 3rd, 2015. Please email me at natashawiig@hotmail.com for details.
//dodsonandross.com/blogs/carlin-ross/2013/01/everything-you-need-know-about-bodysex-workshops
by Natasha | Feb 24, 2015 | Workshops |
A few years ago, I found myself stuck in a rut and feeling sort of numb about everything. Trying to find a way out of this slump I read a book about how we often don’t truly feel our feelings – instead we block them and carry on – which allows us to avoid dealing with whatever intense emotions they may cause. The author encouraged acknowledging that the feeling is there, opening ourselves to it and bringing awareness to the core of the feeling. This, he said, allows us to be one with our feeling no longer seeing it as a part of ourself, but actually ourself. These words resonated deeply with me as I realized that I rarely – if ever – truly allowed myself to feel. I was extremely in tune to the feelings of my children and making sure that their emotional needs were being met. Yet I didn’t have any idea what pain, sadness or even joy and pleasure felt like as physical feelings in my body. I was experiencing the feelings from outside of my body instead of them actually being a part of me. In this way I realized that I was living unconsciously by existing and doing rather than consciously by being and feeling. Wondering what it would be like to be able to feel things on a more internal level, I began to pay attention to my physical body for any response that would indicate some sort of feeling. I started to notice that when I was afraid, sad, weak or ashamed I could feel something hard form in my stomach and I’d get out of breath. This happened before I had to speak in public, when I felt hurt by someone I loved or when I felt exposed and vulnerable. So I decided to open myself to these physical feelings through breath. Breathing deeply seemed to be the best way that I knew to be present in my body, avoid escaping and allow space for feelings. Space didn’t hold judgement of the feeling – it was just space. With practice, anytime I began to feel the hardness in my stomach, I would pay attention to my breath and make sure that it went deep inside me as I inhaled and that I fully let go on exhalation. Slowly I began to notice that this alone was enough to make the physical discomfort go away – which allowed me to be able to deal with whatever the emotion really was. In a sense breath helped me to enter the feeling rather than just sit on the edge of it. If I didn’t breathe and provide space for these feelings, they would stick in my body and cause pain until I did something to distract myself or push them down. This discovery literally blew me away and I wondered how I had lived for 34 years without actually realizing that my feelings could be felt physically. With more practice I discovered that the feelings I considered to be positive also gave me the same hardness in my stomach and shortness of breath. So actually the “good” and “bad” feelings showed up in the same place in my body but I had not allowed myself the space to really feel either of them. Feeling them led to experiencing the world in a whole new way. A way that allowed me to be an active participant in life rather than a passive bystander. I felt more alive and fulfilled emotionally and physically because of it.
Once I was more in tune with how my emotional feelings presented themselves physically in my body, I yearned to learn more. I wanted to feel this deeply in all ways – emotionally, physically, spiritually and sexually. I wondered about the depth of my sexual power that I had pushed deep inside of me because I had been afraid to really acknowledge it. Desire and curiosity to discover this power led me to attend a Bodysex workshop in NYC facilitated by, 85 year old sex educator, Betty Dodson. She designed the workshop with the belief that our primary sexual relationship is with ourself. Therefore if we learn how our own body works and best responds to pleasure, we can be our own greatest lover thus having a more fulfilling sex life alone or with others. Essentially she was suggesting that we look inside ourselves for the answers and to find the place where our sexuality lies. During the workshop we were taught techniques to enhance our orgasms and Betty explained that “Sex energy travels on our breath. So by holding our breath we are blocking something somewhere” therefore not allowing for all of our sexual energy to be released. “Breath” Betty said, “is the life blood of an orgasm.” She said that we often learn to orgasm through masturbation as children and because of the shame associated with it, we hold our breath and quietly tighten our body leading to what she describes as a tension orgasm. This often carries through as we grow older and, while a tension orgasm is an orgasm, so much of the feeling and energy is trapped in our held breath and tense body.
Breath had changed my life and made me feel more alive in other ways, so I decided to practice consciously breathing during orgasm and seeing what would happen. This wasn’t easy to do as I had learnt to orgasm by holding my breath and my natural instinct was to do so. Yet I longed to feel the intensity of my sexual energy and it made sense to me that it would come through my breath just like the my emotional feelings had three years before. Paying attention to my breath during the build up and release caused my whole body to orgasm – rather than just one area. Holding my breath had meant holding a part of myself back and not really surrendering to the pleasure. It was necessary to let go and give up control in order to feel the full power of my sexual energy. Breathing not only intensified my orgasms but I discovered that it could keep me in the build up phase of orgasm longer which, in turn, led to even more intense of a release. My orgasms were no longer something that happened to me – they were me. Once again I was amazed at the profoundly physical feelings I was able to experience from only providing space and air for them to be.
Desire for self awareness and something MORE led me to finding the power of my own breath. Through breath, I learned to feel deeply and create space for any strong emotion. Finding my breath and learning to make space connected me deeply to the emotional, physical and sexual parts of myself. Next weekend I will lead my first workshop on The Art of Self Loving, where I hope to, in part, educate and encourage women to use their breath to find the place in themselves where their sexuality lies.
//natashasalaash.com/?p=92 //dodsonandross.com/about-us
by Natasha | Jan 23, 2015 | Workshops |
This is the beautiful space I’ll be using for my “Art of Self Loving” workshop. It is warm, safe and private. I am getting so excited! For more information check out these links………Hope to see you there!
//natashasalaash.com/?p=14 //natashasalaash.com/?p=19
