by Natasha | Sep 27, 2016 | Body Image, Posts, Q&A |
“It looks like a gaping wound,” “It’s ugly,” “It’s too fat,” “Somethings just not right,” “ Too dangly,” “Not like the one’s on porn,” “It’s the wrong colour,” “It looks loose,” “Smelly,” “Dirty,” “I’m too scared to look,” “I think it’s damaged from masturbation,” “Not tucked in nicely,” “Too wet,” “It’s uneven,” “I thought of cutting that part off before I showed you so you wouldn’t see it.”
These are words that I’ve heard from women in Bodysex workshops or individual Coaching sessions, and I’ve tended to think that I’m immune from these thoughts. However this week I saw my vulva “style” in the “before” pics for labia plasty surgery and I can’t stop thinking about it. If someone like me feels bothered by it, I can’t imagine how a teenage girl would feel. I don’t have what in todays society you’d call a “porn pussy.” I have longer inner lips than outer causing them to “peak” out. At any given moment my vulva looks like a flower that’s just beginning to bloom, but when I’m really turned on it’s in full bloom – open to the sun. It’s beautiful. I know it is. I really do. And yet here I am terrified to admit this. My fear makes me realize just how deeply entrenched the cultural shame is, over how we think our bodies are “supposed” to look.
It’s my hope that by sharing this slideshow we can all gain an understanding in the wide range of normal in regards to vulva styles. We birth from our vulva – it’s sacred, special, unique and has evolved to be this way over thousands of years. Our children need to know this. We all need to know this. Give your vulva a hug today.
For more information check out this fantastic video: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/video/2016/sep/23/vagina-dispatches-part-one-what-vulvas-look-like
* Art by Betty Dodson. Special thanks to all the women who gave permission for me to share their beautiful vulva pics.
** For people reading this who have chosen to undergo labia plasty for medical, emotional or cosmetic reasons my intent is not to shame you. I realize there are times when this surgery is necessary for the physical and emotional well being of the person. It’s my intent rather to support and educate people on the wide range of normal in regards to labia so that unnecessary surgeries may be prevented.
by Natasha | Sep 17, 2016 | Bodysex workshops, Nude in nature photos |
The spot for this photo (taken at my May Bodysex Retreat) was chosen because of the trees above us. The tree on the right side of the path had uprooted, causing it to fall towards the tree on the left. What made the spot so special though, was that the tree on the left had seemingly grown a new shoot – strong enough and in exactly the right spot – to be able to support the other one.
Like the trees in this forest each woman in a Bodysex circle is unique – with her own roots, colours, scars, and place in the forest. As we share our stories, vulnerabilities, fears, shame and pleasures we gain individual strength as well as understanding and compassion for each others uniqueness. It’s from this collective compassion and mutual vulnerability that we grow new shoots in support of each other.
There are only 2 spots remaining in my fall Bodysex retreat and I invite you to share the circle with me. //natashasalaash.com/fall-bodysex-workshop/
* * photo credit Dana Kellet
by Natasha | Sep 2, 2016 | Bodysex workshops, Workshops |
I’ve completed my Counselling specialization and am now officially a Sex and Intimacy Counsellor! //natashasexcounselling.ca
It’s my intent and desire to provide the most holistic and supportive Bodysex experience possible and, with that in mind, I’ve decided to offer a free follow up session to all previous and future Bodysex participants. The session can be just a “catch up” or it can be a time to go over current or prevailing questions or concerns that you may have. For participants who live out of province or country this session can be done via skype. Please contact me through either site to book. There are currently 3 spots open in the November Bodysex retreat.
by Natasha | Aug 31, 2016 | Bodysex testimonial |
As fall approaches and my November Bodysex retreat date is getting closer, I’ve been reflecting on the emotions and stories from the last retreat held in May. One of the things that stands out the most in my mind is the group massage. As we took turns touching and being touched there was one woman who’s emotional pain could literally be seen and felt through her body. Hoping that somehow some of the love we felt for her would soak in through her skin – we touched and we sang – telling her how beautiful she was to us. Later that evening we walked down to the beach and took this beautiful and fitting photo of her naked, with the setting sun shining between her legs.
This same woman wrote to me after the retreat and, with her permission, I’m sharing her words with you.
Thanks again for everything this past weekend. It was so amazing. Usually I can find words easily, but the fact that this time I cannot find the right words, speaks to me of how deeply this has affected me, and I suspect it will keep affecting me for a long time to come, with many parts of me forever changed.
I am revisiting circle time and all conversations from the entire weekend. Mulling over thoughts and ideas, advice and emotions. Each experience burned into my brain and psyche. One in particular I have been mulling this last 24 hours was when the question was posed to me what I liked about my body and I couldn’t find anything.
But with some consideration I have found other things I like about my body and self. I feel the need to share, so here they are…..
I like my ears, and I think my feet are kinda cute. I have very good skin on my face and rarely get acne. My legs are very strong, at the gym I can push over 130 pounds on the weight machine. I like that I am very self aware and open minded. I am also very smart and observant. I love that I have a big heart and a kind Soul.
I find I am working hard to stay in the energy brought up by the circle. I have realized that part of me wants to run away from it, to deny myself the growth, progress and change, because the past pattern is familiar. So I work to change and grow and honour my experience with all the amazing women from circle. I look forward to doing this retreat again sometime within the next 12 months. And I am telling several friends, hoping they will come try the experience and see how life changing and wonderful it is.
I look forward to how I am expanding my consciousness and my heart, especially with regard to myself. I set my intention to stop avoiding looking in mirrors, and learn to love and accept myself, as all my retreat sisters taught me I need to. I will honour my worth as a tribute to them all.
Love to you my sister-friend,
by Natasha | Aug 24, 2016 | Q&A |
Dear Natasha,
I think I need to take one of your workshops in the future. I’m pretty sure I’ve got some pussy shame. I didn’t really notice it until I recently became single. I was comfortable with my long term partner, but now I feel like mine is bigger than normal, or something. Like, it’s always been more rounded and pronounced than other’s, I noticed as a child, that I didn’t have one of those cute, tiny little v shaped pussies, and yeah, I guess I feel ashamed. Like it’s not normal, maybe, or that the men I choose to be with won’t like it, or think it’s fat and gross or something.
Thanks,
J
Dear J,
Thanks so much for sharing your shame with me. Pussy shame is really common and unfortunately very normal. I’ve heard this exact concern from other women and, because we rarely see examples of normal vulva’s, it’s no wonder you’re unsure.
Vulva’s come in many different “styles” – some skinnier, some rounder, some have protruding inner lips and some have tucked in inner lips – none are perfectly symmetrical. In Jamaica the name for vulva is ‘pum pum” and a woman with a rounder or more pronounced vulva is considered highly desirable. I can remember seeing what seemed to be wider or chubbier vulvas when I was a little girl and wondering what was wrong with my skinny one! The fact is there’s nothing wrong with any of us, we’re all made uniquely and that IS the beauty of it.
My advice to you is to spend time naked with yourself, touching, exploring and getting used to your pussy just as she is. Using coconut oil pleasure yourself over and over enjoying the roundness of your pussy. It’s my strong belief that in order to truly be able to enjoy pleasure and let go in sex, we need to find understanding and acceptance in our sexual anatomy. This is the foundation of sexual pleasure.
If you have children or are close to any little girls in your life, imagine that it was one of them who felt like their vulva was fat, gross or abnormal. What would you say to her? Would you want her to accept herself as she is? Would you want to help her find the beauty in her unique body? Finding beauty in a part of our body that we feel shame in is an act of compassion for ourselves. You are definitely welcome to take a Bodysex workshop, but I can tell you right now that your vulva is normal and if anyone else doesn’t like it they’re missing out on your beautiful “pum pum.”
Love her up until she feels beautiful,
love Natasha
ps. Here are some drawings on the different vulva styles, by my teacher and artist Betty Dodson, along with her words about her own vulva shame.
“At the age of 35, I still had an ugly mental image of my genitals. In the past, men had “gone down” on me, but I was always much too uncomfortable to reach an orgasm. The thought of someone tasting my genitals struck me as being unsanitary. Worse yet, he might see everything. I could only allow oral sex for a few minutes before I pulled my lover back up on top of me for “normal sex.”
