by Natasha | May 19, 2016 | Bodysex workshops, Posts, Workshops |
It seems to me that every Bodysex workshop/retreat holds a different gift in it, and this one was no exception. There were 12 women in the circle who had travelled from around Saskatchewan, British Columbia, Alberta and all the way from Georgia to be there. Four of the women were “alumni” returning for — what one woman called — “The crack cocaine that is Bodysex.”
The beauty of doing a Bodysex workshop as part of a weekend retreat is that time allows for the elements of the workshop to become normalized on a much deeper level. The whole experience felt like one big pyjama party except that we rarely wore our pjamas. We got naked right at the start and spent the entire weekend in various states of undress. We laughed, we cried, we held each other and we shared stories. Stories of heartache, loss, struggle, body shame, fantasy, pirates, hot sex, masturbating with strange objects and in strange places. There were 3 separate masturbation circles with only one being part of the actual workshop. If we opted out of it physically we were able to join in energetically — celebrating from the other room as we heard others climax. We ate nourishing food (made lovingly by Patti) and shared our personal gifts and talents with each other. Card readings, mediumship, reiki, henna, crocheting, hair braiding, singing, crafting, quotes, musical instruments, yoni egg “laying” and touch were all shared together.
Throughout the weekend I recognized myself in each and every one of the women. I saw myself in their stories and in the scars and stretch marks on their bodies. I saw me in their beauty and their guilt — in the way they nurtured, in their insecurities and in the sheer bravery with which they shared all of this. I felt an empathy for them on a level that I have never felt before and with that empathy came a deep love towards each woman. Then — like a loop — that love and empathy came back to me and I entered into my own pain that I had been afraid to feel. I cried and cried. Cried with pain and disappointment at feeling like I’m not the woman that my 20 year old self imagined I’d always be. Shame that I have made decisions over the past couple of years that have been for me and my well being over others. Acceptance that I am not perfect and never will be. And love for where I have come from and where I am going.
Nearing the end of the workshop while doing the group massage, we sang in acknowledgement of the pain that each woman has been through. Pain that was not only visible but could be felt under our fingertips as we touched each others bodies. While we touched, we sang and the words poured out with our tears…..
“How could anyone ever tell you, that you’re are anything less than beautiful. How could anyone ever tell you, that you’re less than whole? How could anyone fail to notice that your loving is a miracle? How deeply you’re connected to my soul.”
Watching one of the women lovingly lower her head until she was joined forehead to forehead with the woman we were touching, I knew without a doubt that what we were doing was a healing ritual that went above and beyond any definition or title.
This weekends Bodysex retreat was a mirror for me. And in that mirror I saw each of the 11 other women looking back at me. We are our own unique selves but — like the wooden necklaces that we each wore around our necks — we are all cut from the same piece of wood. Just as I love them, I love myself. With gratitude beyond words, I thank you sisters. Much, much love and more from Foxy to….
Turtle
Luna
Persephone
CLP
Petal
Butterfly
Sophie
Aurora Stones
Rocking Ruby
Summer
Pretty Poussey
**photos posted with permission
by Natasha | May 4, 2016 | Sex and mothering, Workshops |
After pouring English breakfast tea into my beautiful hand made mug, I take my first sip and sigh. Growing up with an English mother I have always loved the ritual of drinking tea. Boiling the water, letting it steep in a pot, pouring the milk first and then the tea – it has to be made a certain way otherwise I’d rather not have it at all. Setting the mug down on the counter I go back to my task at hand – washing an assortment of brightly coloured dildos in the kitchen sink. Tonight I am teaching a Penis Pleasing Workshop at Positive Passions, and this is part of my preparation.
A buzz from my phone interrupts my thoughts as my 2nd oldest daughter texts to say that she’s having trouble getting her little sister to sleep. “Try singing ‘mama loves you’” I text back, hoping that she falls asleep soon or she’ll be grumpy tomorrow.
My awareness shifts back to my work and I continue to wash the dildos noticing the differences in each one – colour, veins, testicles and size. Wondering which ones the women will want to practice on, I settle on a variety and set them onto a towel to dry.
Ten minutes later – carrying my mug of tea in one hand and my rainbow of dildos in another, I go to the workshop room and set up the space.
Dildos.
Lube.
Napkins.
Done.
I sit down and begin going over the material while at the same time wondering if the kids remembered to feed the bunnies. Standing up to grab my phone to text them, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror on the wall. On the outside I look like one woman but on the inside I know I’m made up of many different women. Women reflective of all of the journey’s that I’ve been on. I see the madonna, I see the whore, the sensitive and the rude. The woman who used to be too scared to walk into this store, and the woman who can now comfortably talk about anything and everything to do with sex. I’m all of these women.
It has taken me time to get used to talking openly in this way and also to learn that there are times when it’s best to not say anything at all. If I’m honest I can admit that I still worry about judgement from others and have to remind myself all the time that I can be both a loving mother and a sexual woman — especially in a culture that tells me I can’t be.
My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of the front door opening. The workshop participants have arrived and it’s time for me to go greet them.
Mug in hand I walk to the door and say “Hello my name is Natasha. I am a mother of 5, Sex educator, Orgasm Coach, and Bodysex facilitator. Today we are going to learn different ways to pleasure a penis…. “
by Natasha | Apr 20, 2016 | Body Image, Bodysex workshops, Vulnerability |
I’m always surprised when I hear from women who think that I’m fearless and have no doubts. I respond by telling them that when I write a blog post I feel like my chest has been ripped open and my heart exposed. I sit with it for sometimes hours, days or even months until I finally get the guts to post. Then as soon as I do I message one of my best friends to ask them to like it so that I can feel like I’m okay and breathe again. I’ve posted probably 30 times and, while it gets easier each time, I still experience feelings of self doubt and fear.
Before each Bodysex workshop I lead I go back and forth between feeling completely elated to completely inadequate. Will Betty be proud of me? What if the women expect more from me than I can live up to? Am I enough to do this work? Will they accept me when I also share my fears, inadequacies and self doubts? Will they accept my naked, imperfect body?
Sometimes well meaning people ask — “If writing these personal stories or leading these workshops makes you feel this exposed and vulnerable— why would you do it?” The answer for me is in the correlation between being vulnerable and feeling powerful. It isn’t at all that I am unafraid, it’s more that I’m making the choice not to let fear rule me.
Choosing this means to me the difference between walking INTO life or staying on the sidelines.This might mean that what I’m walking into feels like a hail storm where I’m being pummelled repeatedly in the face. Or it could feel like walking into something mildly uncomfortable like sleet. Other times though I feel like I’m walking into the sunshine on the most beautiful day you can ever imagine.
No matter the circumstances, each time I walk into it, I always get through it and continue walking — feeling stronger and caring less about what people think about me. I laugh harder and deeper than I’ve ever laughed before — even and especially at the things about myself that I used to be too horrified to admit existed. I can lose myself with complete abandonment in sex and not worry about what I look or sound like or if I took too long to cum. I can dance like Elaine on Seinfeld and feel like the girl in the room who’s having the most fun. I can, I can, I can.
I’ll never be perfect and — looking back on my life so far — I’m sorry that I spent so many years shielding myself in the hopes that no one else would realize that simple fact. I will never be fearless, or without doubts. I will however continue to make the decision to choose vulnerability over fear and walk INTO life.
by Natasha | Apr 4, 2016 | Body Image, Bodysex testimonial |
This is the story of a little girl shared with me by her mother who attended my first Bodysex workshop. There her mother learned about and identified the parts of her sexual anatomy, began to feel comfortable in her own skin and expressed this newfound comfort with her daughter.
She expressed it by taking better care of her body, not covering up while changing, showing appreciation for parts of her self that she had previously disliked and by sitting down beside her daughter naked. With the little girl watching, her mother identified and named all the parts of her vulva and their different purposes. Her daughter —fascinated by this — looked at her own vulva and did the same alongside her mom. A year later this happened:
“Mom come here, I have to tell you something!” said the little girl from her bath. Her mother walked in to see her daughter smiling up at her.
“I was just looking at my vulva.”
“Oh yah….And what did you see?” asked her mother.
“Well my clitoris looks like a little hill, and my labia look like peas from the garden.”
Smiling her mother asked if she saw anything else.
“Yah” said the little girl, “I saw beauty.”
by Natasha | Mar 29, 2016 | Bodysex testimonial, Bodysex workshops, Related Bodysex, Workshops |
I wish all women could really know and have the experience I just had in Saskatoon with Natasha and the eight other special women who are now my courageous and brave forever sisters. There is nothing like it. Nothing. I have attended many workshops of all kinds but they do not compare to the absolute rawness, vulnerableness and authenticity of Bodysex. Designed by women and only for women I am given total permission to express myself, and I mean all of me. Moreover I am held by others in full acceptance of my expression and I them. The reason for this, unlike all other learnings, is that there is a foundational inclusivity of our sexuality. Together, yet individually, as each other’s witnesses we look fully at our sex, we touch it, we talk about it, we sometimes cry and laugh about it and we experience the profound pleasure of it. For me this brings me ever more closer to my wholeness. My sexual self is often left out of many learning modalities as if it doesn’t exist. But not in the Bodysex circle, it is in fact the key that brings a new awareness and a new connection to ourselves like no other.
I know that visceral fear women have, because I have had it too, of breaking cultural taboos. After all, it has always been our burden to carry on tradition so that all does not fall apart. And yet, in my experience it is within the breaking apart, away and/or the breaking down that my true essence is unearthed and ultimately embraced for everything that it is. By that I mean when I brave the territory of going against the grain of what is culturally acceptable or the norm, I see and know that the world does not end, I don’t end, and if anything I build a new path or maybe find the path that was always there awaiting me. I can fearlessly walk this path acknowledging and declaring the real me. This process cannot at all happen without other women. They are my mirrors, my reflection back, my sisters in self discovery. I support them and they support me in my expression of pleasure, of love, of pain, of strength, of weakness, and of joy.
And who is the real me? I am many things but what showed up for me this time in the protected warmth of the circle of women is my wildly orgasmic self unafraid to take up space with my sounds of primal pleasure, with my big body, and with my heart that embraces the women around me. I am a woman who unabashedly shares the stories of my six decades of juicy fun sexcapades and who now, because of the strength I have found with my Bodysex sisters, makes conscious effort to let go of that which is not serving me and joyously make room for better things to come.
I feel inspired, grounded yet flying high, rejuvenated and looking forward to what Bodysex will bring to me because each time I participate I get taken to a deeper understanding of my purpose and a commitment to have my life be pleasurable as is my birthright.
A thousand thank-you’s, Natasha for giving us this experience with such grace, enthusiasm and sensitivity. I love you!
