by Natasha | Jun 17, 2015 | Awakening, Orgasm Coaching, Posts, Self loving/masturbation |
I’ve written this in an attempt to describe orgasm techniques that I have developed from hours and hours of practice alone and during partner sex. When I first began this sexual awakening I found it difficult to understand techniques that were explained in technical terms. I knew that I was supposed to breathe, squeeze my vagina and move my hips and that there were reasons for doing all of these things, but it just didn’t make sense to me to look at my body and my orgasms as a machine and a product that comes from it. My vagina isn’t an “elevator” that needs to lift up and down as some doctors would say. I understand this concept and why this description may work well for some, but this kind of teaching breaks my heart a little bit.
I’m not teaching mechanics. I am encouraging women to look at their body, pleasure and orgasms in a different way. A way where I explain kegals in terms of drawing sexual energy deeper and higher into your body with every squeeze. Where body movement becomes instinctual and is guided by the movement of your hands, where touch becomes a medium for opening up parts of yourself that were closed, and where breath is the life blood of your orgasms.
This intimacy with myself has become my spiritual connection with a higher power and that higher power IS my relationship with my self. Through my orgasms I connect to my body and the world around me in a way that I never knew was possible.
I want to go deeper into me.
Pleasure follows my fingers as they trace imaginary lines over the curves of my body. The more I touch the more I can feel and, with this touch, my pleasure becomes a memory that cannot be forgotten. I make endless discoveries with my fingers – and much like the anticipation of opening a gift – everyday I look forward to discovering what this touch will open up into me.
Leaving my mind and entering into my body I surrender to the feel of my hands on my skin and begin to breathe deeper – more fully. My breath is waking me up from the inside out. Fingers softly touching my thighs my body shudders as currents of sexual energy are waiting to be released. Already close to the edge of an orgasm I’m not ready to let go just yet. I want to go deeper into me.
Following the muscles and contours of my skin my fingers begin to move in a spiral pattern until my hips, unable to stay still, join in. Lured by this circular movement the rest of my body follows and I keep focus on the feel of my fingers on the outside and the flow of my breath on the inside. This is an intimate dance with myself and my touch and my breath are leading the way.
Close to the edge of orgasm once again, yet still unwilling to release the powerful energy flooding into my body, I slow down my breath – drawing it in deeper. Teasing myself with my touch – I give it, then pull it back. Every time I lift my fingers off of my body, the air on my skin draws them back – like an echo calling out for more. I want more of this pleasure. I want more of this touch. I want to open this pleasure up INTO me.
Squeezing the muscles in my vagina I visualize this energy of mine and draw it deeper into me. Up, up, up I pull it inwards until my whole body is filled and alive with the pleasure of myself. Harder now my fingers move on my skin, pressing into the energy that is wanting to explode out of me.
Right on the edge now I just don’t want to let it go. I want to know this place. I want to see what other unopened treasures are waiting here for me. My fingers seek out untouched skin as I deepen my breath and quicken my body’s movements while squeezing my muscles faster and pulling upwards. I’m drawing this energy up higher. Into me it comes.
Overwhelmed now with what I see before me I know that it’s time to let go of this edge. I crave this surrender yet I struggle to hold on. Letting go of the edge means letting go of the control that holds me the rest of the time. Orgasms are my ultimate surrender.
Holding my hand between my legs I moan loudly and let go, and from deep inside of me my muscles contract and release. Each contraction sends off violent and intense waves of pleasure as the energy, that I had pulled up into me, is let go from my body. Waves crash over and over into me, turning my moans into laughter as I press harder against my pussy and move my body faster – riding out this bliss. In this moment I am my orgasm and my orgasm is me. Even if someone else has given it to me, it comes from my power, my strength, my wonder and my pleasure. Knowing this empowers me.
Flushed and sweating I fall back – body shaking from the last waves pulsating through me. I feel alive, awake and open. In awe of my body, my sexual energy, and my pleasure, my hands begin again to trace the lengths of my hips leading to my core. My breath catches as I build towards the edge again…….but I’m not ready to let go just yet…..
I want to go deeper into me.
by Natasha | Apr 28, 2015 | Awakening, Posts, Self loving/masturbation |
“I took this excerpt, from my Bodysex certification thesis, to use as a response to women asking me where and how to begin their own self loving practices. I am realizing how many women have never ever touched themselves with their own hands. While everyone is different, I am sharing my own story to show understanding of where they are at in their journey, as well as an example of a possible beginning.”
At the beginning of my journey, towards understanding my sexuality and the changes that I was experiencing in my body, I read a book by Naomi Wolf called Vagina. There was a chapter in it on self love, touching and taking the time to really enjoy your body. I had never masturbated using my bare hands before, so the idea of touching myself in this way seemed completely foreign.
I had begun masturbating as a young girl with always something separating my fingers from my pussy – a teddy bear, rolled up socks or the seam of my jeans. To orgasm I would lay on my stomach with my legs straight, hold my breath, and rub against something soft until I came. As a married woman I believed that masturbating was a form of cheating and, while I sometimes did it, it was always in secret and carried with it a great deal of shame.
Something about the way the author of this book took the time to love herself, regardless of whether she orgasmed or not, really intrigued me. Wanting to see if I could feel this for myself, I decided to give it a try.
Putting oil on my fingers I began to explore my body, touching my pussy like I would touch a most treasured lover. I noticed how soft and nice I felt to touch, and my hand quickly seemed at home in the warmth between my legs. Unsure about what else I was supposed to feel, I focused my attention on the spot where my fingertips met my skin and carefully and tentatively explored my inner and outer lips. Never having touched myself this way before, my body slowly responded to the skin to skin contact.
I continued this daily self loving practice, enjoying it, but often considering giving it up in frustration over my lack of an orgasm. Realizing that I was putting pressure on myself to “perform” and that I had expectation on my touch – to be more than just a nice feeling – I decided to change my attitude and my practice.
I knew that I wanted to learn to orgasm through touch but, in order to do so, I needed to let go of the expectation and time restraints that I was putting on myself. My old method of masturbation was quick and easy – albeit not at all satisfying – and I was expecting this to be the same.
With this in mind I set a timer and give myself an hour to just touch. This seemed long but I wanted the focus to be completely off of the orgasm and onto the feeling of my fingers. I needed to eliminate the pressure of “performance anxiety” and by giving myself an adequate amount of time to relax, this seemed like the best answer.
As I touched and allowed myself to be present in the sensations – rather than looking ahead towards the goal – an amazing thing happened. Long before my hour was up I realized that I was on the edge of an orgasm – from my own hands – for the very first time! After that first orgasm, the pressure and anxiety was gone, making it simple to do again and again and again.
When we receive touch from our own hand or the hand of another, and we pay attention to all of the sensations that we feel from that touch, our body is actually becoming “touch imprinted”. Touching any part of ourselves, wakes that part of our body up and it will remember how that touch felt the next time it happens. This memory increases the amount of sensation that we will be able to feel in the future – essentially meaning that the more we touch, the more pleasure will be available to us. So in touching myself, my own hand was giving my body these memories.
Sometimes wanting instant gratification, I was tempted to go back to my old, quick orgasm pattern. But with the touch of my hands, I discovered new and better ways to pleasure myself. My orgasms became more intense – pulsating through my entire body, causing me to let go of inhibitions and the control that I held onto so tightly the rest of the time.
I discovered that by giving my body sufficient time and space to touch, I could orgasm in any position I chose to try. On my back, stomach, knees, sitting on my feet, on all fours leaning on the couch, in the bath, and standing up. I had never had an orgasm during sex before and with the help of my hand, I was able to do so over and over again. This discovery was wonderful to share and with it came the desire to let go even farther. I stopped hiding my face when I orgasmed during partner sex. I turned on the lights. I sought out eye contact when I came, and all the while I continued to touch myself.
Wanting to further this self loving practice even more, I extended it to other parts of my body and, in doing so, discovered eroticism in places that I didn’t know could be sexual at all. My left hand became my lover – softly touching my ears, hair, mouth, the space between my fingers, the stretch marks on my stomach, my cesarean scar. Every inch of my body was capable of feeling erotic when it felt the touch of a lover. I became that lover.
by Natasha | Apr 16, 2015 | Awakening, Self loving/masturbation |
I used to live inside a box. It was comfortable and warm inside this box. In it were all the things that I needed, things that made me feel safe and somewhat happy. Life was pretty good in that box. Yet I couldn’t shake the subtle but constant hum of discontent I felt. Life in the box seemed just a bit too tight, too limiting and too dull. I felt desire for something that had no name, no known address and no label. Something that was just more. Finding this more seemed like a far off and unattainable dream, while stuck in this box, so I started searching for ways out. I read books about boxes and about people who found ways to live outside of their own boxes. I travelled to new places, looked on maps and searched on street corners for old men with long beards who must know how to get me out of my box. While searching I grew, learned new things and to my amazement, began discovering holes in the box – little cracks where bursts of light would shine through. These lights and the colours and warmth that they produced enamoured me so much that I quickly became obsessed with finding their source.
Initial excitement over the discovery of the cracks faded when – despite searching nearly every day – I was unable to find a way out of my box. The hum of discontentment inside me built, soon taking over my entire body, and I became even more determined to find the source of light which I felt certain was the more that I was looking for. Then one day while searching the roof of the box, I was astonished to find that the cracks had multiplied. Excited, I spent days and nights reaching towards the stream of lights coming through my box, hoping that just one of them could lead me out – towards the more on the other side.
Finally, exhausted and weak from days of reaching upwards and from the sound of the constant hum, I collapsed on the floor resigned to never finding my way out. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that one of the cracks was getting bigger. Turning towards it I could see that the light coming through was shining down on me – landing on my body on the floor. Too tired to reach up to the warmth of the light, I instead touched the place where the light was touching me. The instant burn on my fingers shocked me and at once I realized that the light wasn’t coming from outside of the box, but rather from inside of me.
Scared but drawn inwards, by the now deafening hum, I decided to enter into the light. In doing so I discovered a magical, brilliant place, full of bright colours, unimagined depths and also dark corners. Using the humming as my guide I travelled deeper, enjoying pleasures that I had never experienced, seeing colours that I didn’t know existed and exploring rooms that I hadn’t wanted to enter. As doors opened and new rooms formed, I thought back to how hard I had worked to reach outwards for the light – for the more that was sure to be there – only to find that it was within me all along just waiting to be discovered.
Four years ago I began digging my way out of my box and into my light. This journey has brought me to today – on my way to NYC to defend my thesis on “What I believe are the main issues with female sexuality, and how I am going to change them.” In doing so, I hope to be given Betty Dodson’s blessing to carry on her life’s work as a Bodysex Facilitator in Canada. Many days, in fear, I wonder why I climbed out of that box and I ponder how easy it would be to just slip back in. But the hum and the light keeps bringing me back to myself and I simply cannot ignore it. I hope that with Betty’s blessing, I will be able to inspire and encourage other women to find their way in to their more, their light, and themselves.
