Why Do Bodysex Workshop Participants Have to Be Nude?
In this video I discuss the role that body shame plays in our relationship with ourselves and others, as well as how it can impact partner sex.
Bodysex Canada Youtube Interview
Taking Off Our Armour
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Maryanne Williamson
A friend messaged me this morning saying that she was experiencing a “vulnerability hangover” about something that she had shared in a group. I mirrored back to her similar feelings about something that I had also shared and, while we talked, it became evident that what made us feel the most vulnerable was that we had shared our successes. We had shared a strength in something that we were overcoming, and by doing so, we felt exposed.
My story growing up was that I was dumb. I don’t think that anyone told me that story but my sisters were exceptionally smart and I was seen as the “people” person. All of my adult life I’ve felt inadequate around “educated” people. I would shrink in academic conversation – every once in awhile sticking in something that hopefully sounded a bit smart??? – while thinking that I was a complete idiot and they must be thinking the same thing. Going to school for counselling was terrifying for me and with each class I was sure that my instructor would see how dumb I really was. But it never happened. Academically I excelled and with this “success” I began to see myself in a new story. I am smart. I’m not stupid and I do have valuable things to add to conversations. With this realization also came fear. Staying small, quiet (yah I know everyone is laughing at me using that word) and hidden meant that I couldn’t disappoint others. Being exposed is a double edged sword.
As the conversation with my friend unfolded I was struck by the reality of what we were saying. Our stories, our inadequacies, our traumas, our broken parts are our ARMOUR. Some we have chosen for ourselves, some were told to us by others, and some have been brutally forced upon us. We may desperately want to let them go, but we may also be desperately afraid of letting them go. Without our armour we have no excuse to not shine.
As children we learned to protect ourselves from the uncomfortable feelings of rejection, dismissal, anger shame etc. We made ourselves small so that we couldn’t be noticed, we made ourselves helpful so that we couldn’t be punished. We hid, we faked, we went deep inside ourselves – essentially doing whatever it took to feel safe. This protective mechanism kept us alive when faced with real or perceived dangers, and safe when we didn’t always feel that the big people in our lives could protect us. But as we grew, these mechanisms held us back. They limit our chance at being hurt but they also limit our chance at greatness. In that way they no longer serve us.
I hear women so often saying that they are scared to sit in the Bodysex circle because they are afraid to face their own reality. Afraid that once they take off their armour – their clothing and their stories – they won’t be able to be small anymore. It is a valid fear and one that comes at a real cost. Not everyone will be okay with your greatness and many will feel insecure around you. But this is only because they’re afraid of their own greatness and of being reminded that they are holding back from it as well. Realizing and actualizing our greatness doesn’t mean that we no longer have the less great parts. I’m perfect testament to that. I fuck up daily and maybe sometimes I fuck up to have a reason to hide – reason to not do this work, and to run. Or maybe I fuck up just cause I’m human. Who knows.
But what I do know is that sitting naked in the Bodysex circle is a profound act of bravery and in doing so you will be changed forever. In that circle you aren’t the victim, you are just you. By simply being ourselves – “liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” See you in the circle.
Upcoming Bodysex Workshop Date!
Check out my workshop and testimonial pages for more info! I hope to see you in the circle.
Bodysex/Nude in Nature Photo Shoot
In May I held my first Bodysex workshop and, in addition to the workshop, the women were given the option of participating in a “Nude in Nature” photography session done by my wonderful and talented friend Dana Kellet. Nine of the women chose to do so and a few of them agreed to share their words and photos from that special day. We did the photos the day after the workshop and right away Dana commented on how different it was from the usual nude photo shoots we do. After having spent two days together naked, the atmosphere was relaxed – while at the same time joyous – and clothes came off without the normal coaching and easing into it.
The photo process is a group effort with one woman being photographed at a time, while the others watch and encourage her – attempting to convey to her the light in which she is seen by others. It is a privilege for me personally to be allowed to, not only see them in their nakedness, but also be able to express to them what I see. Each woman is so unique and, as Betty Dodson would say, “We are all divine works of art.”
“I received my pics from Dana and cried. Sometimes it’s that different perspective that really hits you in the gut and genuinely allows us to appreciate our bodies for all they have persevered through. I am in awe.” – Bodysex and Nude in Nature photo participant.
“We giggled, danced, laughed, and openly admired each other. At the river’s edge, my head went quiet; tears of joy and sadness surprised me and poured out. These women, which I hardly know, and yet know so intimately, moved over to me and sat with me quietly, touched my skin, and affirmed that I’m just fine. I’m not too much. I’m not too little. I’m good just the way I am.” -Bodysex and Nude in Nature Participant
“It was an honour to be one of the women who made up the circle of Natasha’s first BodySex workshop. I was eager to participate in the workshop as it was another piece of my journey of learning to love myself again (my last relationship left me emotional shattered). Being naked with 11 other woman for 2 days wasn’t a concern for me – it was emotionally opening myself up and being vulnerable to strangers that had me hesitant. Would I be judged? Would I say too much? Would being bi-sexual make others uncomfortable? Any and all fears were quickly put to rest. Each woman opened her heart, her mind, her fears and insecurities, her struggles, her dreams and wishes, her tears, her story, her self discoveries, her compassion and empathy, and her love.
It was an incredible journey of emotions, self-reflection and self-realizations for me. I know that for a longtime to come I will continue to discover and appreciate all that the weekend brought out in me and taught me.”
– Bodysex and Nude in Nature Participant
My favourite moment from the day was when one of the women, who had held her body so tightly at the beginning of the weekend, laid back on the hot sand and moaned. Looking at her I saw her like the Goddess she is, clothed only in drops of wet sand. She radiated bliss and peacefulness and I said to her “You look so beautiful.” With a deep breath she responded “ I feel so beautiful.” There was no doubt at all that she saw and felt herself in the same light as the rest of us did, and that moment alone made the struggle to get here worth it.
Much love and gratitude to the circle of sisters who shared parts of their physical, emotional and sexual selves with me that weekend, and continue to inspire me to show others everyday – the light in which I see them. I am grateful.
Natasha
Like Butterflies Slowly Coming Out Of A Cocoon The Transformation Of The Women Is Beautiful To See
I am typing this through a steady stream of tears after saying good-bye to the last of the women who shared the circle with me this weekend. Where do I begin? How can I possibly define the experience that I just had? I feel like I have taken the journey of a lifetime and yet I never left this city. It was a journey deep inside myself, and I am profoundly grateful to have experienced it alongside 11 other amazing and powerful women.
Just three days before I had sat in the circle, waiting for the women to show up for the first ever Bodysex workshop that I would lead, forcing myself to stay in my breath and in my body. Anytime I am nervous or upset I instinctively begin to touch myself – my neck, my legs, my face, my vulva. This touch is my meditation and I know that with it I will always find a safe place – it takes me home. So I breathed and I touched and I thought with gratitude of the journey that I have been on these past 4 years and of all the people who have supported me to get here. I thought especially of Betty and how she paved the way for all of us, despite constant criticism, to celebrate the pleasure and power that is in ourselves. I kept thinking of her words to me “the sisterhood will always carry us through when we are in the sacred circle with our own honest “I”, and willing to share.” With this in mind I breathed and I touched and I watched the women enter.
Knowing that you are entering a room to take off your clothes -and essentially your armour – is a terrifying experience and, watching them, I thought back to my first Bodysex circle in New York. The shame and fear of having nothing to hide behind – no way to pretend that I was more beautiful than I really felt on the inside. Will anyone still love me when they see what I really look like? Shoulders down and arms folded I see the women looking grateful as they find their spot, sit down and are able to pull their knees up.
With arms wrapped around themselves in protection, we began the circle by sharing first person stories of how we feel about our bodies and how we feel about our orgasms. This beginning is always emotional as it takes a whole other level of vulnerability to be physically naked – while at the same time baring your soul. As I listen to each women’s story I see parts of myself in all of them and the love and compassion that I feel for them, is mirrored back to me. It is easy to lessen love directed at me by imagining that it is really about an image, a role or the person that I am hoping they see. But when I am naked – on the inside and out – and this love and acceptance is reflected at me, there is no way to negate it. It is love of my true self and seeing that in the eyes of another helps me to see myself more clearly. I am okay, they are okay, we are all okay, just as we are. No more and no less. Just as we are.
We share stories of orgasms, of not feeling deserving of pleasure, of fears, of ugliness, of self hatred, of eroticism, of unrequited love, of fantasies, of finding courage, of wanting, of loss, of touch. We laugh and we cry and the roots of our sisterhood begin to take hold.
As we move to genital show and tell one woman says “Somehow getting naked doesn’t seem so scary now. Can we just go back to that?!” We all laugh. Being able to look at, see, open up and understand our vulva, are important steps towards embracing our pleasure. It is amazing how many of us – even mothers- have never really looked at ourselves in this way. Comments of shock, wonder and beauty are expressed as the women realize that they are “normal” and that their vulva isn’t a wound or something to be ashamed of. For some the shame was passed to them through their own mothers’ shame, and in doing this ceremony we break the cycle of shame for our own children. We hold hands and offer hopes and wishes for our vulvas while the roots of sisterhood weave themselves in and around us making us all stronger within ourselves.
This show and tell ceremony was the part of the workshop that I was the most nervous about as I know that it is asking a great deal of anyone to open their vulva up and allow me to be close enough to look in the same mirror as they do. I wasn’t sure that I was worthy of this honour and a part of me was afraid that they would feel that way too. But in that space, touching their leg, explaining their anatomy to them, I felt worthy, and I was able to convey with absolute honesty, the beauty in which i see them – just like Betty did for me. I knew then that I can do this.
We ended day one feeling more comfortable in our bodies and easily able to walk around naked without feeling inhibited. Like butterflies slowly coming out of a cocoon the transformation of the women is beautiful to see and so many times I found myself crying with joy at the sight.
On day two I woke up feeling emotional and overwhelmed with self doubt and pressure that I was putting on myself to be the perfect leader. I’m just as fucked up as anyone else, am I worthy of this role? l knew that I was having a vulnerability hangover and that it’s normal to feel really intense emotions after putting myself out there. There is no taking it back. I am here, I am doing this, I can no longer run away. With my breath and my touch, I brought myself back into my body and shared these feelings with a friend while reminding myself that “The teacher will learn the most”…….Feeling centred I entered the circle again.
We took turns sharing how we were feeling after the emotional first day and how our nights went. Some women felt alive and elated, some had spend time enjoying their bodies and some felt raw and emotional – afraid of the conflicting emotions and the change that these new feelings might bring. Still day two is the day where we celebrate our pleasure and it just feels lighter. Looking around I see the women sitting differently. Legs extended, some spread open, breasts forward and several hands rubbing the homemade cream all over their bodies as they talk. It’s relaxed, it’s free, and with wings extending it is now time to explore the pleasure that our bodies are made for.
After an orgasm technique demo we lay back, pleasure ourselves using hands and vibrators, and are lulled by the sounds of the first woman orgasming. It’s almost impossible to not let go yourself when you hear another woman climax. Her pleasure carries me and I want that for myself. Soon the room becomes filled with sweat, laughter, tears, moans and cries of pleasure from the whole circle. In between orgasms I sit up and again am brought to tears by the beauty of the site before me. Women of all ages, from all over, pleasuring themselves together as if it’s the most normal thing in the world. And really it is. Wings spread they are like butterflies and I feel soooooo blessed to have been witness to a part of their transformation.
Afterwards we divide into two groups and each woman gets 10 minutes of loving touch from the other women. There are no words to describe this pleasure and it feels as good to touch them as it does when they touch me. We are so open now, bending over to get more oil, free in our nakedness, laughing and joking, asking about scars and marks on each other’s bodies.
To close the day we sit in a small circle, holding hands as each of us share a word that encapsulates the weekend for us. After saying our words we take time to look into each woman’s eyes and hold the gaze. This is always the most powerful part of the workshop for me and I sob with appreciation at how truly seen I feel. The words spoken are: Sisterhood, fearless, self-love, courage, free, possibilities, compassion, power, change, me, friendship, open, truth. With these words we raise our hands into the air and send our orgasmic energy out into the world in thanks to Betty for leading the way and with hopes that all the women in the world are able to be orgasmic in all that they do.
Thank you so much to my sisters:
Marilyn Monroe, Lizard tongue, Venus, Ruffles, Pea Pod, Houston, Stellaluna, Ruby, Lilly, Malificent, and Gypsy.