If you are you interested in doing something brave, life changing and empowering – while also creating sisterhood – check out my upcoming retreat. Send all enquiries to natashawiig@hotmail.com. I hope to see you in the circle!
I’m laying in bed in Betty Dodson’s NYC apartment, drinking tea and looking around the room that holds the energy and stories of countless women who have sat in the Bodysex circle here. Just like me they shed their clothes, their tears, and their shame before celebrating their pleasure. It’s hard to believe that it was only a year and a half ago that I entered this same room for the first time as a participant in Betty’s workshop. Scared – yet excited I took off my clothes and found my place in the circle, having no way of knowing what a profound effect it would have on my life.
Today as a facilitator of my own Bodysex workshops, I know that even though the physical circle ends after the weekend, the circle of sisterhood keeps on carrying us long after we step out of it. Some of it through our conscious actions and some just by how we’ve been changed because of it.
A woman from that first Bodysex circle is the reason that I am here in this apartment today. Even though I only met her that one time, she wrote to me not long ago to ask if I wanted an airline voucher that she was unable to use. I had been conspiring to find a way to go see Betty, but being a student and a mother I couldn’t see how it would happen. Yet here I am at Betty’s with $27 remaining on the voucher……..and the circle of sisterhood carries me.
The circle carried both Betty and I the other night when we went out to dinner and spotted a woman sitting at a table alone. She was in her mid 50’s and I could see so much sadness yet so much life in her. I invited her over and she ended up crying and laughing in Betty’s loving arms. She has never sat with us in a Bodysex circle but our openness allowed her to be open and our acceptance of her, along with Betty’s arms, became the circle.
The circle continues with the birth of Carlin’s new baby. I sat in the circle with her while she was pregnant and it was pure joy to spend a day with her and her son this weekend. Motherhood suits her and her energy and happiness is infectious. I can only imagine how much it adds and will continue to add to her already incredible work.
I feel the circle carry me as I walk naked and unashamed through Betty’s apartment.The circle of women taught me that my body is okay as it is. It isn’t perfect and it doesn’t need to be. But it’s me, all me, and I’m okay with it. Feeling so free we share stories – not bothering to close the door when we pee or shower. “The great thing about Bodysex” Betty says “is that afterwards there is no such thing as being self conscious.” She’s right.
The circle carries us as I drink tea and read messages from women who sat in my two workshops. They tell stories of body acceptance, intense orgasms, continued unveiling of shame, and how their comfort with themselves has transformed their relationships with others. Without shame we hold ourselves differently and others notice this – seeing possibilities for change in themselves. One woman, who wrote with pride about her daughter’s new confidence and her changing relationship with her mother, said “The Bodysex circle brings on generations of healing.”
Saying good bye to Betty I held back the tears that wanted to fall and instead thought of the stories from our weekend together and began to laugh. I laughed all the way down the elevator past the door man (who laughed back at me thinking, I’m sure, of his own great stories about us after this weekend!) and into the cab. I laughed in the airport (even while nauseous from the martini’s, snails and goose liver that she convinced me to eat the night before) I laughed on the plane, and I’m still laughing while I finish typing this. I curse Betty for the ache in my stomach muscles from 4 days of solid laughter and then I laugh some more. She was a wonderful host and I will miss drinking “Dodson’s” with her everyday at happy hour, her loving words of advice, people watching while drinking nearly 3 bottles of wine, my morning kiss and hug, her dirty stories, the way she doesn’t bat an eye no matter how shameful something is that I tell her, and how she feels comforting like a grandma then the next minute whispers in my ear “I’d just love to fuck that guy.” Laughing more the circle carries me……….
After an intense weekend of self-discovery and self-love, I was asked for one word to sum up how I was feeling. I tried not to overthink it and the word that came to me was warm. It wasn’t until I had taken a couple days to process and reflect that I really discovered what I meant.
Warm- Physically warm, the room was hot by the time our sweat, tears, breath, laughter and energy had filled the space. Emotionally warm, in the most kind nurturing sense of the word. So much safety in this room that felt like a womb, like a mothers hug, like a nest lined with the softest of intentions huddled together so close, getting to know each other as we each contemplated taking flight. Warm acceptance as we shared our stories, warm words and warm knowing looks as we held eye contact as well as the fleeting glances and sly smiles. Warm love as we held hands and passed our acceptance and admiration and strength to each of our sisters, hoping that she truly felt the depth of our embrace and support. Warmth, as my body softened and released the fear and tension I arrived with. Warmth as the cold wall I built within myself started to crumble. Giving myself permission to speak out and risk the rejection of not being heard, permission to stand in the warm sun instead of the shadows. Warm comfort as I slowly transitioned from awkward nervousness to absolute mellow. Warmth of that exhausted, content, fulfilled, post orgasmic sense of peace where you can just fall asleep with a smile on your face.
This is the image I want people to see if I have the guts to tell them I spent two days in a room completely naked with eight other women. To describe concretely that we sit together and discuss our history and feelings about body image, shame and orgasms probably sounds either terrifying or just way out there to most people. To go on and tell them we all lay back and each touch ourselves lovingly and orgasm side by side is kind of mind blowing, I know I had that reaction when first hearing Natasha, my friend and guide, talk about her experiences. I was so impressed when I first heard about these Bodysex workshops but thought that was amazing for other women, but no way could I possibly get naked. I was terrified of being truly seen (and maybe still am sometimes). I am often ok with being a vulnerable mess in some situations, but when I walk away I am back to my old protected, isolated self. Participating in the Bodysex workshop has given me the comfort and confidence to just own who I am, not to apologize for it. I still struggle to open up and be truly honest and vulnerable with people in my everyday life, but I know I deserve it and am worthy of that voice, so I will continue to practice and grow. I am hopeful and what a gift that hope is.
“The largest, and to some, the most beautiful flowering plant is the giant water lily. It floats gracefully on the water and blooms a large fragrant flower. What we don’t see is that the root is anchored in gross, dark mud. For something beautiful to blossom, it has to draw nutrients from the undesirable, the hidden, the decayed. I think that we are like that. The nutrients drawn from tough experiences contains the plasma that builds petals. So don’t shy away from jamming rootstock into the heart of the riverbank.” Mark Andrew
Reflecting on this past weekends Bodysex workshop, I can’t help but notice how the stages we pass through perfectly mimic the stages of an orgasm.
The beginning can be awkward as we tentatively seek to get to know each other. Like sex with ourself or another, we are often shy and nervous yet hopeful and hesitantly expectant that the experience will be the release that we need. I have never seen so clearly how layers of shame can cover us as I did this weekend. How even when we are completely naked we can remain hidden. As the initial awkwardness of our nakedness becomes the norm, we unintentionally find new ways to hold back. We cross our legs or arms, we hide our eyes, we over talk or talk too little – carefully constructing what we want to share, all the while knowing that there is so much more to uncover. The amount of energy that we put into covering what we are afraid others – or ourselves – will see, is tremendous and exhausting. It is also a barrier to our pleasure.
The beginning circle was almost like the dance of foreplay, getting to know each other, learning our curves and edges, and by the time we reached the show and tell – opening up our vulvas in front of each other, marvelling at our anatomy, and noting with fascination the differences in colour, shape and size of each of us – we began to feel more bonded. We held hands and blessed each woman’s vulva with a name – sending love and acceptance to her in her uniqueness. I have never been more touched by the power and necessity of this ceremony as I was this weekend.
When I am building my orgasms I often hold back, sitting on the edge enjoying the ride – not allowing myself to fall in until I can’t hold off any longer. In this sense I went through day one of the workshop as if I was edging an orgasm. Building up, wanting to surrender, but feeling the need to hold back until I could fully trust the experience enough to let it happen.
On day two I went in early to the workshop space and laid there filling the room with my orgasmic energy before the others arrived. These two orgasms, while satisfying, were like small shudders that happen before the huge release that I was building to. I knew that I was holding back and it was time to begin letting go. Knowing that I cannot aspire to the highest with one part of myself while denying it in another, I stared my own shame in the eye and saw that it was a question of me or it.
I opened the circle with a story that I had been holding in – afraid that I wouldn’t be accepted if they knew it yet so badly needing their acceptance. As words flowed out with my tears, I reminded myself of Betty’s reassurance that “The sisterhood will always carry you as long as you carry your honest I’’s” and when I looked around the room I knew that she was right. I saw love, understanding and acceptance and with my sharing done, the woman beside me went into the deep mud of her riverbank and shared her story. As we looked into her eyes and showed her our love and acceptance of all that she is, another woman spoke up followed by another and another and another and another. Stories of abuse, grief, lost love, infidelity, hopelessness, struggling to find our voice, yearning, reproductive trauma, rejection, redemption and aloneness poured out of us. Like water lily’s anchored in “gross, dark, mud” we drew nutrients from these experiences and our petals grew as we shared them. We cried and we laughed, holding hands and expressing our love for the realness, the authenticity and the muddy roots.
After the shedding of clothing, finding understanding in our physical bodies, and sharing our vulnerability we were now ready to surrender to our orgasms and celebrate our pleasure. We lay back and began the erotic recess with moans, soft and loud, filling the room as each woman “edged” her orgasm for the last time. Having shed so many heavy layers of my own shame there was no part of me to hold back or avoid. I was so aware of the sensations in my body that each bead of sweat down my back felt like the touch of a lover. Surrendering to orgasm after orgasm I heard and witnessed uncontrollable peals of laughter with the release of a laughgasm, shouts of “Same time next Sunday!?” and “Oh my GOD!” as we experienced the indescribable joy of sharing our pleasure waves and our beautiful petals with women who had also seen our muddy roots.
Like any great sexual experience, it should always be followed by touch. So with our bodies softened and defences down we began group massage with each woman receiving 10 minutes of loving touch, over her entire body. The reverence in this experience cannot be downplayed and if it is the most amazing thing that I ever give or receive in my life – it will be enough.
To end this fully orgasmic weekend we sat in a circle holding hands, tearfully looking into each others eyes and saying a word that encapsulated the experience for us. The words we spoke were free, connected, transcending, acceptance, warm, amazing, released, lightening and life changing. Then we raised our hands into the air and sent our orgasmic energy out in to the world in thanks to Betty Dodson who paved the way for this circle of sisterhood.
Thank you also to my sisters:
Bisou
Champagne Lace
Goddess
Rubus
Curly Pearly
Pusoir
Elle
Sting Ray
Leo
It is the day before my second Bodysex workshop and I can’t pretend I’m not nervous. The same familiar questions of self doubt run through my head each time I prepare to enter this sacred circle. Will they still accept me when they really see me? Am I worthy of this role? Am I ok?
I have been more open in the last couple of weeks than I have in my entire life and each mask I take off, while terrifying, feels like a sigh of relief. It’s just me. It’s just me.
It seems that as soon as I feel this doubt, something happens reminding me to let it go. Yesterday the reminder came from one of the women in my last circle. She sent me this email and beautiful photo of herself that, with her permission, I’m sharing here.
Natasha!
Your second weekend is upon you. You are a wonderful, authentic person and you bring that sincerity to your workshops.How effing great that you get to promote the butterfly effect with all the women you teach. I know people around me have been touched by the changes in me. And who knows how they have touched other people.
I wish I could be there again. I’m almost envious of the other women. My experience was so life enhancing. And the women I met through you…I fucking love them all. Ahhhh!!! I’m so excited for you. I’m sure each group gets better and better. But remember, we popped your Bodysex cherry.
I love you Natasha!
Ps. I’m getting my hair cut tomorrow, here’s some fun pics my friend took of me yesterday. We were going for mermaid :). I can’t seem to stop being nude in nature!
And with this email and the tears that followed I knew that, just like Betty says, “The Circle of Sisterhood Will Always Carry Us.” I don’t need to be perfect – God knows I’m not. I don’t need to have it all figured out cause fuck I sure don’t! But as long as I take my place in the circle with my honest “I’s” the circle of sisterhood will carry me.
I look forward with immense gratitude to tomorrow and to each of the women who are bravely choosing to sit as sisters with me. I can’t wait to learn from them, to laugh, cry and orgasm with them as we celebrate all that we are, as we are -no more and no less – in the circle of sisterhood.
p.s. To the sisters who popped my “Bodysex cherry” and to all of the sisters who have sat with me in circles in NYC – My orgasms this weekend are in celebration of you!!! Celebrate with me wherever you are and we can light up the sky with our orgasmic energy! Wooo hoo!!!!! <3