Q&A
Dear Natasha,
I don’t like how the inner lips of my vulva stick out of my outer lips. I am embarrassed to let guys see me naked or go down on me. I have looked at porn and the woman don’t look like me. Is something wrong with me?
Thanks,
M.
Dear M.,
This question is extremely common and one that I hear so often from women. In fact I used to feel ashamed of this in myself and tried to push my lips in so they wouldn’t stick out. Please listen to me when I say that there is NOTHING at all wrong with you! Vulva styles vary greatly (as you can see from Betty Dodson’s drawings at the top of this post) and the style that you are referring to, where the inner lips are bigger than the outer lips, is the most common style. It is unfortunate that today’s porn rarely contains representations of this style and this is hugely damaging to women’s body image. The current trend seems to be in favour of tiny inner lips tucked into the outer lips. While this vulva style is beautiful as well it isn’t the only or best way to be. Many of the women in porn undergo a surgery called labiaplasty in order to obtain that look. Vulva’s – like penis’s – are all different but they are all normal. There is no one way that a vulva should be.
When I do private orgasm coaching or run Bodysex workshops, we always do a “Genital Show and Tell” as part of it. This is where we open our vulva’s up and find our clitoris, urethra, vaginal opening, and inner and outer lips. Most women have never properly looked at themselves in this way and they are astonished by what they see. During this “show and tell” I explain and demonstrate different self touching techniques to help women learn different and better ways to bring them selves to orgasm. These demonstrations involve clitoral stimulation of the external clit, but that’s not all. The more inner lips that you have, the more skin there is to touch therefore there are more things you can do with them. These lips are full of nerve endings and touching them helps to give your entire clit(inner and outer) an erection. The more you play with them the better your orgasm can be. I love teaching these techniques but you can learn them yourself by taking the time to try out what feels best for you. Also for women who have extremely sensitive clits the lips can be used as a barrier over top of the clit when rubbing.
We are beautiful as we are – big lips or small lips – and I never tire of seeing each woman’s uniqueness. My suggestion to you is to get naked, grab some coconut oil, and start loving those big lips of yours. Be grateful for all of the extra nerves you have that will bring you to greater heights of pleasure. Be grateful that they can be sucked, pulled and teased by a lover who loves you just as you are. Give your vulva a hug with your hand and tell her that she is okay just as you are okay – exactly as you are. If anyone tells you that you should look different or that you aren’t okay they aren’t worth a minute of your time. LOVE those vulva lips!!!
Take care and enjoy exploring pleasure,
love Natasha
To view more real vulva’s go to //www.labialibrary.org.au/photo-gallery/#