by Natasha | Jul 7, 2015 | Body Image, Bodysex workshops, Nude in nature photos, Posts
In May I held my first Bodysex workshop and, in addition to the workshop, the women were given the option of participating in a “Nude in Nature” photography session done by my wonderful and talented friend Dana Kellet. Nine of the women chose to do so and a few of them agreed to share their words and photos from that special day. We did the photos the day after the workshop and right away Dana commented on how different it was from the usual nude photo shoots we do. After having spent two days together naked, the atmosphere was relaxed – while at the same time joyous – and clothes came off without the normal coaching and easing into it.
The photo process is a group effort with one woman being photographed at a time, while the others watch and encourage her – attempting to convey to her the light in which she is seen by others. It is a privilege for me personally to be allowed to, not only see them in their nakedness, but also be able to express to them what I see. Each woman is so unique and, as Betty Dodson would say, “We are all divine works of art.”
“I received my pics from Dana and cried. Sometimes it’s that different perspective that really hits you in the gut and genuinely allows us to appreciate our bodies for all they have persevered through. I am in awe.” – Bodysex and Nude in Nature photo participant.
“We giggled, danced, laughed, and openly admired each other. At the river’s edge, my head went quiet; tears of joy and sadness surprised me and poured out. These women, which I hardly know, and yet know so intimately, moved over to me and sat with me quietly, touched my skin, and affirmed that I’m just fine. I’m not too much. I’m not too little. I’m good just the way I am.” -Bodysex and Nude in Nature Participant
“It was an honour to be one of the women who made up the circle of Natasha’s first BodySex workshop. I was eager to participate in the workshop as it was another piece of my journey of learning to love myself again (my last relationship left me emotional shattered). Being naked with 11 other woman for 2 days wasn’t a concern for me – it was emotionally opening myself up and being vulnerable to strangers that had me hesitant. Would I be judged? Would I say too much? Would being bi-sexual make others uncomfortable? Any and all fears were quickly put to rest. Each woman opened her heart, her mind, her fears and insecurities, her struggles, her dreams and wishes, her tears, her story, her self discoveries, her compassion and empathy, and her love.
It was an incredible journey of emotions, self-reflection and self-realizations for me. I know that for a longtime to come I will continue to discover and appreciate all that the weekend brought out in me and taught me.”
– Bodysex and Nude in Nature Participant
My favourite moment from the day was when one of the women, who had held her body so tightly at the beginning of the weekend, laid back on the hot sand and moaned. Looking at her I saw her like the Goddess she is, clothed only in drops of wet sand. She radiated bliss and peacefulness and I said to her “You look so beautiful.” With a deep breath she responded “ I feel so beautiful.” There was no doubt at all that she saw and felt herself in the same light as the rest of us did, and that moment alone made the struggle to get here worth it.
Much love and gratitude to the circle of sisters who shared parts of their physical, emotional and sexual selves with me that weekend, and continue to inspire me to show others everyday – the light in which I see them. I am grateful.
Natasha
by Natasha | Jun 29, 2015 | Q&A
Q&A pain during penetration
Dear Natasha,
Sometimes when I have sex with my husband it feels like his penis is going too deep and hitting something inside me that hurts. This happens mostly when I’m on top or if we do it doggy style and the pain is really sharp. His penis is normal size and I have had sex before him with a bigger penis that didn’t hurt. Can you help me?
Thanks,
D.
Dear D.
Thanks for your question! You are definitely not alone with this concern as I hear it often from women. It feels like his penis is hitting something because it is. It’s hitting your cervix. An interesting fact that many people don’t realize is that when a woman is aroused, her cervix/uterus actually lifts. This lifting is called “ballooning” and it adds length to your vagina making room for deeper penetration. So if deep penetration is hurting you I suspect that you are not adequately aroused when you have sex. One of my favourite things to demonstrate, during a private orgasm coaching session with a woman, is this cervical lift. When she first puts the dildo inside her vagina it will usually only fit half way. I put a mirror in front of her vagina to show her this and, after she stimulates her clitoris for awhile, I bring the mirror back so that she can see that the dildo is now all the way in. Most women are blown away by this.
It’s a sad fact that many women are having sex when they aren’t adequately aroused. If you and/or your partner take enough time to touch your clitoris before penetration, this pain won’t be a problem. Having deep sex – before your arousal is sufficient to lift and move the uterus and cervix out of the way – is going to hurt. The key to pain free penetrative sex is understanding that it takes a woman 20-30 minutes of adequate clitoral stimulation in order for her to be fully aroused.
Once a woman is aroused positions where she is on top or behind are great for penetrating that deep place. In fact many women talk about how amazing deep penetration feels and they like the feeling of the head of a penis gently nudging their cervix. Deep penetration also feels fantastic for the man because it’s almost like his penis has entered another room. Being deeply penetrated while at the same time stimulating your clit externally can make for one of the most powerful orgasms that you will ever have. If you are trying this during doggy style make sure that you have something like a couch to lean on so that you can comfortably free up one hand.
I recommend that you take the time to show your partner how you like to be touched before and during penetration. Teasing and touching a woman until she can’t take it anymore and needs that penetration seems to be a lost art. I think we as women can and should do our part in teaching it. If he isn’t patient enough or doesn’t know how to touch you the way that you want, then you can do it to yourself while he watches. Hopefully he will learn something and you will get the arousal you need for that deep spot.
Let me know how it goes.
Natasha
by Natasha | Jun 22, 2015 | Body Image, Posts
Last week I posted a picture link on my fb page “Embracing Pleasure” that included a blog post //natashasalaash.com/i-want-to-go-deeper-into-me/ headed by an artistic photo of me with my nipple exposed. Facebook removed the post citing their nudity standard of “restricting images of female breasts if they include a nipple.” If I wanted to repost the link I needed to keep the picture out of it, or cover the nipple in the photo. I knew about this policy before I posted the link but I was kind of hoping that it would go by undetected. Unfortunately someone reported it.
Yes my nipples feel sexual when touched or pinched but so do my lips, my neck and my back. In fact any part of my body can feel erotic at the hands of a lover. But as a mother of 5 my nipples have served purposes far beyond the sexual. I breast fed my children for a total of 10 years with these nipples. For 4 of my children my nipples served as the passageway to their only source of nourishment in the first 6 months of their lives. One of my children was adopted as a toddler and I breastfed her to encourage our bonding. To this day she and I both love that, even though I didn’t carry her in my stomach, I was able to breast feed her.
Annoyed by societies’ tendency towards over sexualizing the top half of the female body, I am posting this picture in the hopes of pointing out the ridiculousness of the unequal standard placed on women’s nipples.
FREE THE NIPPLE!!!
by Natasha | Jun 17, 2015 | Awakening, Orgasm Coaching, Posts, Self loving/masturbation |
I’ve written this in an attempt to describe orgasm techniques that I have developed from hours and hours of practice alone and during partner sex. When I first began this sexual awakening I found it difficult to understand techniques that were explained in technical terms. I knew that I was supposed to breathe, squeeze my vagina and move my hips and that there were reasons for doing all of these things, but it just didn’t make sense to me to look at my body and my orgasms as a machine and a product that comes from it. My vagina isn’t an “elevator” that needs to lift up and down as some doctors would say. I understand this concept and why this description may work well for some, but this kind of teaching breaks my heart a little bit.
I’m not teaching mechanics. I am encouraging women to look at their body, pleasure and orgasms in a different way. A way where I explain kegals in terms of drawing sexual energy deeper and higher into your body with every squeeze. Where body movement becomes instinctual and is guided by the movement of your hands, where touch becomes a medium for opening up parts of yourself that were closed, and where breath is the life blood of your orgasms.
This intimacy with myself has become my spiritual connection with a higher power and that higher power IS my relationship with my self. Through my orgasms I connect to my body and the world around me in a way that I never knew was possible.
I want to go deeper into me.
Pleasure follows my fingers as they trace imaginary lines over the curves of my body. The more I touch the more I can feel and, with this touch, my pleasure becomes a memory that cannot be forgotten. I make endless discoveries with my fingers – and much like the anticipation of opening a gift – everyday I look forward to discovering what this touch will open up into me.
Leaving my mind and entering into my body I surrender to the feel of my hands on my skin and begin to breathe deeper – more fully. My breath is waking me up from the inside out. Fingers softly touching my thighs my body shudders as currents of sexual energy are waiting to be released. Already close to the edge of an orgasm I’m not ready to let go just yet. I want to go deeper into me.
Following the muscles and contours of my skin my fingers begin to move in a spiral pattern until my hips, unable to stay still, join in. Lured by this circular movement the rest of my body follows and I keep focus on the feel of my fingers on the outside and the flow of my breath on the inside. This is an intimate dance with myself and my touch and my breath are leading the way.
Close to the edge of orgasm once again, yet still unwilling to release the powerful energy flooding into my body, I slow down my breath – drawing it in deeper. Teasing myself with my touch – I give it, then pull it back. Every time I lift my fingers off of my body, the air on my skin draws them back – like an echo calling out for more. I want more of this pleasure. I want more of this touch. I want to open this pleasure up INTO me.
Squeezing the muscles in my vagina I visualize this energy of mine and draw it deeper into me. Up, up, up I pull it inwards until my whole body is filled and alive with the pleasure of myself. Harder now my fingers move on my skin, pressing into the energy that is wanting to explode out of me.
Right on the edge now I just don’t want to let it go. I want to know this place. I want to see what other unopened treasures are waiting here for me. My fingers seek out untouched skin as I deepen my breath and quicken my body’s movements while squeezing my muscles faster and pulling upwards. I’m drawing this energy up higher. Into me it comes.
Overwhelmed now with what I see before me I know that it’s time to let go of this edge. I crave this surrender yet I struggle to hold on. Letting go of the edge means letting go of the control that holds me the rest of the time. Orgasms are my ultimate surrender.
Holding my hand between my legs I moan loudly and let go, and from deep inside of me my muscles contract and release. Each contraction sends off violent and intense waves of pleasure as the energy, that I had pulled up into me, is let go from my body. Waves crash over and over into me, turning my moans into laughter as I press harder against my pussy and move my body faster – riding out this bliss. In this moment I am my orgasm and my orgasm is me. Even if someone else has given it to me, it comes from my power, my strength, my wonder and my pleasure. Knowing this empowers me.
Flushed and sweating I fall back – body shaking from the last waves pulsating through me. I feel alive, awake and open. In awe of my body, my sexual energy, and my pleasure, my hands begin again to trace the lengths of my hips leading to my core. My breath catches as I build towards the edge again…….but I’m not ready to let go just yet…..
I want to go deeper into me.
by Natasha | Jun 10, 2015 | Q&A |
Dear Natasha,
When I masturbate my clit seems to be numb and there is hardly any sensation at all when I touch it. It starts off okay but then after about ten minutes it’s like my clit just gets bored and shuts off. I can get orgasms from penetrating myself with a dildo but they are short and more like tension orgasms. I want to learn to have deeper orgasms from my clit. Can you help me?
Thanks,
K.
Dear K.
Yes I can help you! First of all I want you to know that you are not alone in this. Many women approach me with this same problem. A clitoris that is non responsive is a clit that hasn’t received enough attention. Your clit needs to be awakened by your own gentle touch. Through regular, soft touch she will begin to respond but it is a process that takes time and practice – and lots of it!
I suggest that you begin by taking coconut oil, or your favourite lube, and softly touching your entire vulva. Touch your inner and outer lips, the entrance to your vagina, pubic mound, and thighs. Brush past your clit every now and then – to let her know there is more coming for her – but don’t try to directly stimulate her. Don’t skimp on time for this. Allow for a half an our of just soft touching and do it often – while watching t.v, before falling asleep etc.
Your clitoris is much more than just the external glans that you can see on the outside. It extends deep inside your body as demonstrated in this short video. It is important to understand not only the external structure of your clitoris, but the internal as well. You mentioned that you can get orgasms from penetration alone. All orgasms come from indirect or direct stimulation of the clitoris. This means that a “vaginal” orgasm is also a clitoral orgasm. With practice you can learn to stimulate yourself externally and internally which will lead to deeper and more intense orgasms. The more you touch your whole vulva, the more your clit will wake up and learn to respond. By touching the surrounding area you are teasing your clit out. With practice the pleasure from this touch will become so intense that you will know exactly when it is time to touch your clit to induce an orgasm.
Another thing that I want to mention is that it sounds like you are putting pressure on yourself to perform. Any time we feel pressured in sex – solo or partner – it creates a kind of performance anxiety. You might think that anxiety is a big word and that it has to mean something huge. But the way sexual arousal works is that it engages both your sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems. One is responsible for expending energy and the other is responsible for relaxation. Arousal requires BOTH systems to be functioning in order for orgasm to happen. You cannot make yourself feel relaxed.
If you are touching yourself and feeling some arousal at the beginning but it drops off, the most likely reason is that you are pressuring yourself to perform (orgasm). This will never work. The clitoris needs to fill with blood in order to orgasm. At the slightest hint of anxiety your body is no longer relaxed, and in an instant the blood rushes from your genitals into your limbs preparing for fight or flight. This is a physiological response to anxiety and one that you can’t control except by finding ways to feel relaxed. For me – focusing on my touch and the exact point where my fingers are touching my skin – I am able to stay in my body and out of my head. For some it is a mantra. Through practice you can figure out what works best for you, but try to first focus on just touching for pleasure alone and not with orgasm as a goal.
Lastly you mentioned tension orgasm. This is how most women learn to orgasm as a teenager. We hold our breath, keep our body straight and apply some sort of pressure to our clitoris. To learn how to change this pattern, begin with breathing through your arousal and orgasm. I know that this sounds really difficult to do but changing this one thing will intensify your pleasure 100 times. Breath is the life blood of an orgasm.
Remember to not expect instant success. It’s the same as easing yourself into a cold swimming pool. It takes time for your body to get used to the temperature and feel of the water. Just jumping in doesn’t feel good. Your clit has been neglected and needs to learn to accept and want this touch. Make her beg for it and you will be rewarded! Everything takes time but, with practice and patience, your clit will become a source of incredible pleasure in your life. Let me know how it goes!
Enjoy the pleasure,
Natasha
